Not Always Lost
by P.L. Wynter
Summary: A different take on what could have happened when Eddie came to Caleb's Man of the Year party in the episode, The Goodbye Girl. WIP
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **This story takes place during the episode, "The Goodbye Girl." It's my take on something different happening when Eddie pays them a visit during Caleb's Man of the Year party. I have a lot of OC stories in my head, so this will just be the first of many. Enjoy.

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"Hey man," Seth said as he came up to Ryan's side, having seen the forlorn look on his foster brother's face. "So, I don't want to jinx it or anything, but I think this party is going pretty good, I mean without the fights and everything." Ryan cast his eyes sideways in a look that told Seth he wasn't thinking the same thing. It was all Seth needed. Caleb was Riviera's Man of the Year and this was his party. Considering the history of parties for Caleb, Ryan was just waiting for trouble to happen. He just hoped this time it wouldn't involve him. "Oh come on," Seth urged. "Just for tonight, nothing is wrong. Tomorrow you can go back to angst ridden Ryan, but tonight, Theresa and Marissa are friends. If anything, you should be happy and I should be the brooding one. You know, switch it up a little?"

"Anna?" Ryan gave a guess.

"Yeah," Seth admitted, his humor instantly gone. "You know, she said she wasn't leaving because of me, but I don't know. Do you think she'd even tell me if it was? I don't think so, that's how girls work, they're schemers."

"Yeah," Ryan answered, looking over to where Marissa and Theresa stood, talking with Summer. Theresa looked good tonight, wearing Marissa's dress. He wasn't sure whether to thank Marissa for helping her out or to tell her to back off. He knew she was trying, but there were hurts that Ryan couldn't get past. Mainly, the whole Oliver thing. He knew he should be able to brush it off, Marissa had apologized a million times and had really meant it, but he didn't know if he could forgive her. He'd tried his best to trust her, but when he really needed her to, she hadn't trusted him. That was what hurt the most.

"Seth," a feminine voice called. They turned and saw Anna. She was underdressed, signaling that she wasn't staying. In her hands was a letter. Seth smiled warmly and gave her a hug, which she only half returned as she fought back the urge to cry. "Can we talk?" She asked.

"Sure," Seth said, nodding towards Ryan who gave him a half smile of encouragement. Seth led Anna into the house. Ryan glanced over to where the girls stood and saw Summer watching her boyfriend go into the house. They made eye contact and Summer smiled at him. He tried to give her a heart felt smile back, but the fact that Marissa and Theresa were standing next to her prevented him from doing so.

Theresa suddenly touched Marissa's arm and excused herself from the girls. She walked towards Ryan, who set his glass down and shoved his hands into his pockets. She came up to him, smiling shyly at him. "So this is what your parties are like," she joked with him quietly.

"Yeah," he said, nodding as he scanned the crowd. He spotted Kirsten and Sandy off to the side. Neither one of them looked too thrilled to be hosting such a party. "All that's missing are the scandals and fist fights," Ryan gave a half chuckle as Theresa smiled. God she was beautiful. She'd been ever since they were kids and he'd always had a thing for her. The girl next door, that's what she was. The beautiful, funny, independent girl next door. How many nights had he snuck into her bedroom through the window just to escape his own life, wanting to be a part of hers? How many times had she comforted him after he'd had an argument with his mom, or after AJ had laid into him? He'd lost count.

"Look," Theresa began and he knew that she was ready to talk about Eddie, her fiancée. He tensed his shoulders, trying not to let his aggravation with the whole situation show through. "I'm sorry that I got you involved in this whole mess. I love Eddie, I really do. It's just…" she struggled for the words.

Ryan helped her through it. "You're not sure you're ready."

Theresa nodded. "Yeah. He's a good guy and he can support me and he loves me, I know, I'm just, it's so early. I shouldn't have come here," she said suddenly, turning to leave.

Ryan reached out and grabbed her elbow. She stopped and turned to look at him. "I understand why you did," he whispered quietly. "I'm not saying it was right or wrong, but I understand."

Theresa nodded when her eyes suddenly widened as they looked pass Ryan. Ryan turned just in time for his face to be met with a fist. He saw stars for a moment and heard Theresa scream out Eddie's name. Ryan was just regaining his senses when he felt Eddie grab the front of his shirt and pull him close. "I said I wouldn't let her go without a fight," he said harshly.

Ryan, not enjoying being roughed up like this, brought his arms up and shoved Eddie away. Eddie didn't take to that very well and tackled Ryan in the midsection. Ryan felt the wind be knocked out of him and then felt the sensation of flying as his feet left the ground. But it was short lived as suddenly the two of them came crashing down onto a table, breaking it as the food and punch went crashing to the floor. The sound of chatter from around the party instantly stopped and was replaced with a shocked silence.

Suddenly angry, Ryan swung out his arm and connected a fist with the side of Eddie's face. Eddie backed off for a second, giving Ryan time to gain his feet before he used his momentum to sack Eddie in the stomach, bringing them both back to the ground. Ryan used the couple seconds he had to get off two punches to Eddie's face before the taller and stronger man rolled, throwing Ryan off. Ryan landed hard on his butt, grunting as he did so. Eddie gained his feet quickly and reached for his belt. What Ryan saw made his heart stop.

Eddie pulled a gun from his belt and aimed it at him. There was a resounding gasp from the crowd and Theresa screamed for Eddie to stop. Ryan sat still on the ground, staring at Eddie's face, a face he had once known was his friend. A face he had once trusted with his life. There was a time when Eddie had protected him, just as Trey and Arturo had. They were both in jail, and Ryan doubted Eddie would be free for long. But those thoughts were instantly thrown away when Eddie let out a scream of anger.

"I told you!" He screamed, his voice shaking as tears formed in his eyes. Ryan heaved in breaths, trying not to panic. He absently noticed Sandy and Kirsten standing off to the side, Sandy getting ready to do anything he could from keeping the deranged man from shooting his foster son. Marissa and Summer stood by Theresa, who looked mortified that this was happening. Seth and Anna had come out to see what the commotion was about and Ryan took the time to look over at Seth, who was shocked beyond belief. He looked frightened, like a little kid watching a scary movie. Ryan instantly felt guilty for putting that fear there. It was times like this when he thought it was wrong to ever move in with the Cohen's. Why did he have to make his problems theirs as well?

"She's my fiancée," Eddie was screaming, bringing Ryan's attention back to the gun that was pointed at him. "But where does she run off to? To you, you little fucker!" Eddie screamed and the gun shook.

"Someone has already called the police," Sandy said from the side of Eddie, holding his hands up as Eddie flashed the gun towards Sandy. Kirsten grabbed her husband's arm.

Ryan had had enough. No more endangering his foster family. He slowly got to his feet, aware that the gun was again pointed at him. He held his hands up. "Eddie, nothing happened," he said quietly. "She was scared."

"And she ran to you! I've known her just as long as you have, why would she run to you?" Eddie had tears streaming down his face now. Ryan knew that wasn't a good sign, it meant Eddie wasn't in his right mind.

Theresa shook her head. "Eddie, please," she begged, but Eddie just shook his head.

"No!" He screamed, stilling the crowd again as he waved the gun around wildly. "No, I won't do this. You are mine!" He said, his head turned towards Theresa. "He can't have you, he can never have you."

Ryan was about to say something but a gunshot cut him off. There were a couple of screams from the crowd and Ryan froze, wondering who Eddie had shot, if he had shot anyone. He distantly noticed that Sandy and Jimmy had tackled Eddie to the ground, the gun having been knocked away. Good, no more hurting. He looked over at Seth, noticing that his foster brother was staring wide eyed at him. Suddenly Seth was running towards him. Ryan tried to call out to him, wanting to know who was hurt, but he couldn't catch his breath. His legs started to feel weak and all of a sudden he was falling.

Seth reached him just as Ryan's knees hit the ground. Seth's face was horror stricken. Ryan noticed Kirsten running to them as well. Someone handed her their jacket and she pressed it against Ryan's stomach. Ryan wanted to protest, that the motion hurt. But when he saw how scared Kirsten looked, he couldn't bring himself to say anything. It was then that Ryan realized who had been hurt.

It was him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Seth had never felt so helpless in his entire life. He could only sit by idly as he watched his dad hold the now bloodied jacket to Ryan's stomach, all the while telling his foster brother in a strong, convincing tone that he was going to be all right. He watched as his mom cradled Ryan's head, stroking his pale forehead softly. Blood had started to trickle from the corners of Ryan's mouth and at the sight, Seth felt sick. But he wouldn't look away, he wouldn't show weakness now when Ryan needed him the most.

Ryan was his foster brother. No, not even. Ryan was his brother, his best friend, his strength, his weakness, he was everything. Ryan had saved him from himself by coming to Newport. That morning when he'd seen him walk into the house, looking nervous and confused, he'd never imagined that the blonde boy would have such an impact on his life. Ryan was the reason he'd met Summer, the reason he'd gotten to know Marissa, the reason he didn't feel so alone. He had always been there for Seth when he needed him. And now, Ryan lay on the grass, his eyes shut tightly, choking on his own blood. Seth didn't know what to do.

Sirens sounded in the distance and Seth leaned forward, touching Ryan's clenched fist. "Hang on, man," he said. "The ambulance is on the way." Ryan didn't react more than turning his head slightly towards Seth's voice. Seth felt tears well up in his eyes and suddenly two hands were on either of his shoulders. He turned his head and saw Anna to one side and Summer to the other. He smiled gratefully at them before lifting his head to look at Eddie, who was still being detained by Jimmy and a few other of the men in the crowd. Theresa looked stricken and pale as she watched from a distance, in obvious shock. Marissa stood behind Kirsten, restraining herself from pushing his mom out of the way and cradling Ryan's head herself.

Ryan suddenly bucked, arching his back and letting out a small cry. Kirsten placed her hands firmly on his shoulders to hold him down. Seth held his hand as Ryan's strong grip threatened to crush his fingers. Sandy rubbed his arm while trying to hold the jacket in place. Seth saw the blood that was now staining his father's hands and arms.

"Ryan, kid, hang on," Sandy coaxed Ryan to calm down and relax again. Seth had never seen Ryan so out of control over himself. But he'd also never seen anyone as badly hurt as Ryan was now. Ryan's eyes opened slowly and he looked up at Kirsten. Seth was pained to see tears fall from the corners of Ryan's eyes.

"It's going to be okay," Kirsten whispered to him, brushing his hair away from his sweaty forehead. "You're going to be okay."

Ryan shook his head slightly, his face crumpling in pain and sadness. Seth was shocked to see the guilt that flashed across Ryan's face. Why would Ryan feel guilty about this? It wasn't his fault. Nothing was ever truly Ryan's fault. Ryan took the fall for most of the things that went wrong around him, but when he took a step back to look at it all, what had Ryan ever done wrong except take the blame for stuff he had no control over? Seth vowed that if Ryan made it through this, he'd do everything in his power to make him believe that this wasn't his fault.

The paramedics came in swiftly and took Sandy and Kirsten's place at Ryan's side. Seth was pulled away from his foster brother and when Ryan's hand slipped from his, Seth felt a sob well up in his throat, but he refused to let it out. He wouldn't cry, not when Ryan's needed him like this. He'd cry later, but for now, he needed to be strong. Summer slung an arm through his and buried her face in his shoulder before turning to watch them again. He rubbed her hand reassuringly. Anna stood alone, her arms folded over her stomach. Seth was distantly aware that her plane would be leaving soon. He wondered if she'd leave now or if she'd wait for Ryan to recover…or not recover. Seth didn't want to think about that.

It was a long ride to the hospital, one that seemed to last sixteen years as Seth reflected back on his life before Ryan. He couldn't go back to that, he wouldn't. He couldn't handle being bullied without anyone to back him up. He couldn't handle sitting in his room alone for hours on end or playing Playstation alone with out anyone to annihilate all the other ninjas with. He wouldn't be the little boy in the back of the room that no one noticed. He couldn't live in this place without Ryan. If Ryan wasn't here, Seth couldn't be either. He would do whatever it took to not be alone again.

As they rushed into the hospital, they were greeted by a nurse who was too happy for Seth's liking. She smiled at them. What did she know? Why could she smile? Didn't she know that his brother was lying on his death bed just down the hall? Seth glowered at her, trying not to reach out and choke that smile off her face.

"We're here for Ryan Atwood," Sandy blurted, his arm around Kirsten's shoulders. Summer had come with them, while Anna was driving Marissa and Theresa. Jimmy had stayed back to help the police, but Seth knew that they'd have to end up giving their testimonies sooner or later. Seth just knew he couldn't do it now. If he did, he'd break.

"The doctors are in with him now," the nurse said. "He's up in surgery. He was unconscious when they brought him in. The doctors are doing everything they can, why don't you take a seat in the waiting room. It's going to be a while."

Sandy led Kirsten to a chair while Summer held onto Seth's arm when he didn't move. "We should have gone with him," Seth mumbled, going to the seat.

"Cohen, they said there was no room in the ambulance," Summer whispered back, stroking his back gently. "He'll pull through, he's Chino, he's stronger than superman."

"But he's not," Seth sobbed, falling into a chair. Summer sat next to him, holding his hand. Kirsten sat, stricken, while Sandy paced the floor, not able to sit still. Seth shook his head. "None of this should have happened. Theresa should have stayed in Chino where she belongs." He knew the words were harsh, and so did Summer, but they both knew he had to get them out. "And Marissa…if it hadn't been for that stupid Oliver thing, none of this would have happened."

"You can't blame either of them," Summer said. "No one is to blame except for Eddie."

"Yeah, well if Ryan dies, then we'll see whose to blame," Seth sat back and ran his hands over his face. Summer leaned her head on his shoulder just as Anna, Marissa, and Theresa came into the waiting room. Sandy shook his head at them, telling them there was no news. Seth glared at Theresa openly, and the black haired girl looked away, falling into a seat. Anna came to sit on the other side of Seth while Marissa sat by Summer. They held hands, both needing the comfort.

It was a few hours before anyone said anything more. Sandy had stopped his pacing and sat next to Kirsten, leaning forward while she leaned against him. She had long since gone to the bathroom to wipe her smeared mascara away. Seth was focusing on a spot on the far wall, urging the doctors to hurry up and come out to tell them that Ryan was all right, that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. But the longer they took, the more Seth knew this was serious, that he could possibly not see his brother again.

Finally, Sandy stood up with a groan of anger. He started to pace again but then turned to look at the kids. "Why don't you guys go home," he suggested. "It's going to be a while and we can call you if we hear anything."

Seth raised his hands in a shrug. "Dad," he said, as though his Dad already knew the answer, which he did. "I'm not going anywhere. What would we do? Go home and stress? There's no way I'm leaving."

"Same here, Mr. Cohen," Anna announced. None of the other kids stood to leave and Sandy nodded, admiring their loyalty to his foster son.

Just as they had settled back into their seats, a doctor came out and the room burst into movement and activity. Seth found his feet quickly, bumping off Summer and Anna. Sandy was the first to greet the doctor. "Doc, how is he?" He asked rapidly, looking for any sign on the doctors face to tell them whether or not Ryan had made it.

The doctor smiled warmly, cautiously, knowing he was dealing with distressed family, and friends by the number of people in the waiting room. "Are you Ryan's father?" The doctor asked to Sandy.

"He's my son, my foster son…yes," Sandy answered, for once tripping over his words.

The doctor smiled again. "Well, Ryan has made it through surgery," the doctor announced and the room visibly relaxed. Seth shoved his hands in his pockets, licking his lips as he urged the doctor to go on. "He had some extensive eternal damage. The bullet was lodged up against his hip bone. It was a challenge to get it out, but we managed to do so. He had a small, hairline fracture, so we had to put in a few pins. It's going to be very painful when he wakes up and he probably won't be able to move that well for a couple of weeks, but he should make a full recovery with is hip."

Seth wanted to hug the doctor, until he noticed how the man suddenly frowned and hesitated. Sandy must have caught on as well. "I hear a but coming," Sandy said.

"Yes," the doctor agreed, looking suddenly very serious. "The bullet did some damage to his liver, which will eventually regenerate over time. What we're worried about now is the graze he has on his stomach. We had to pump his stomach of the blood and we've managed to stitch up as much as we could, but it may be a while before the mucus lining is built back up. Without the mucus lining his stomach, his stomach acid can leak out and create pockets of bile. It can be very painful and it can also be very fatal. We're going to be keeping him in ICU for at least two nights, so we can monitor his progress."

"But," Seth interrupted, having heard enough. "He's going to be okay, right? I mean, he's going to get better?" Seth gestured with his hands, feeling the nervous tension of the room.

The doctor nodded. "We expect a full recovery pending any further complications." Seth stared at the doctor blankly. Why couldn't doctors ever just tell it how it was? The doctor continued. "With injuries such as Ryan's, there are tons of things that can go wrong. But it is possible that in a week or two, he'll be up and about as normal."

Seth let out a breath. Pending any further complications. When were there never further complications with Ryan Atwood? It seemed further complications was what Ryan excelled at. Nothing was every simple with the kid. Ryan had even said it himself, _"I don't do nice and easy." _He'd been practicing golf at the time, but it was a statement Seth had taken to heart. It was true. Ryan didn't do things the easy way. And nothing easy ever happened to Ryan.

"Thank you doctor," Sandy was saying. "Do you think we can see him?"

"Well, he's resting right now and we need to encourage that he gets as much sleep as possible. So, one at a time and try not to wake him?"

"Of course," Kirsten piped up from where she had remained quiet next to Sandy. "I'd like to see him," she said, turning to Sandy, who nodded. Seth closed his eyes, wishing that he could just run in and see Ryan for himself, but he had already waited for five hours, he could wait a little while longer. Kirsten disappeared with the doctor while Sandy turned back to the kids.

"All right, I don't think we all need to be here," he said once again. "Why don't some of you go home, get some rest, and you can come back in the morning."

Theresa, who had remained quiet the whole time, spoke up finally. "I think I'll stop by the police station. Eddie's parents are probably there."

"Do you have a ride?" Anna asked. Theresa shook her head. "I can take you, if you'd like."

"I guess you missed your flight," Summer noticed.

Anna shrugged. "I didn't think it was right to leave. I'll catch a later flight, I just don't know when."

"You don't have to drive me," Theresa said. "I'll catch a bus."

"No, I insist!" Anna persisted. "Besides, I should stop at home and tell everyone what's going on."

"Yeah," Marissa agreed. "I'm going to go call my Dad, he's been waiting to hear something since we came in."

"Why don't you head home afterwards, Marissa," Sandy suggested. "We'll call you in the morning." Marissa nodded, though it was clear she didn't want to leave. She glanced towards Seth, who could only nod and look away. She looked betrayed but forced a smile for Sandy before she turned and left.

Seth turned to Summer. "I'll call Luke," she suggested. "But I'm not going home."

They all departed towards their different destination, leaving Sandy and Seth to sit in the waiting room while Summer went to use the payphone to call Luke. Seth turned to look at his Dad, whose eyebrows were knit in concentration. "Were you scared?" He asked quietly.

Sandy nodded without hesitation. "Yeah," he said, looking towards his son. "I was."

"Me too," Seth answered and waited for his turn to go in and see Ryan.

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**Review Responses:**

**kandy4eva: **Thank you! I'm glad that you liked it. I have wanted to write OC fanfic for a while, just have never gotten around to it.

**I-Believe-In-The-Butterflies: **Thanks! I don't like Theresa either, but she seemed important for this story, so I had to keep her around. But I hate her in the show.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Kirsten had come out from her visit with Ryan. After informing Sandy that she'd convinced the doctors to let her spend the night with him, should he wake up and be frightened, Sandy had gone in to see him. Seth sat nervously in one of the chairs, his leg bouncing. Summer had drifted to sleep and Kirsten stood against the wall with a cup of warm coffee in her hands. She was staring blankly at the floor. Seth didn't have to ask her what she was thinking about.

"How did he look?" Seth asked finally when he couldn't hold it in anymore.

Kirsten glanced over at him and gave him an encouraging smile. Though her words were far from encouraging. "He was pale," she said and at first, Seth thought she wouldn't go on. "And he's got so many machines hooked up to him. It's…it all seems so unreal."

"Mom, this is Ryan we're talking about here," Seth tried to lighten the mood. "When does anything involving Ryan seem real?"

"Seth," Kirsten warned.

"I'm serious," Seth went on, ignoring the warning. "I mean look at his life. He's always gotten the short end of the stick. Would you expect anything less from him?" Kirsten didn't answer, instead she sipped at her coffee, going back to staring at the spot on the ground. Seth leaned back and looked at the ceiling. He'd never come to know a ceiling better than this one. It was the same ceiling he'd stared at when Luke had been shot at the beginning of the year. It was the same ceiling he'd looked at when Marissa had nearly overdosed in Tijuana. Nothing had changed in that ceiling. The spots had grown spottier, the lumps seemed to have grown lumpier, but the stark whiteness of it all had not changed. It reminded Seth how of how much he hated the place.

Sandy came back out within half an hour. Seth was mortified to see the red puffiness of his father's eyes. He'd never seen his father cry, never. Just the thought made Seth want to just go home and crawl into his bed where he knew nothing could hurt him. But he couldn't, because if he did, there would be something missing. A certain security knowing that if he had a problem, Ryan was just a pool house away. Seth slowly stood up, trying not to jostle Summer as she shifted in her sleep and instead leaned on Sandy who had sat down. Sandy smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes.

Seth took a deep breath, stuck his thumbs up at his parents and took off towards the room he knew held his best friend. He came to the door and stopped before it, almost afraid to look in. The ICU usually didn't allow for visitors. He'd never actually been able to visit someone in ICU and he could tell why. It was intense. Doctors running all over the place, nothing decorating the wall. Just the horrific whiteness of it all, staring, taunting him. He closed his eyes, let out his breath and opened the door.

Nothing in his 16 years of existence could have prepared Seth for the sight that met him on the other side of the hospital door. He froze in place for a few minutes, staring at the horrifying scene. Ryan lay on the bed, his hair ruffled like it always was when he'd just woken up. His face was placid, calm. Ryan was a "baby sleeper" as Seth liked to call them. There was no open mouth, no drool, just a calm, baby face. But that was about all that was normal with his foster brother. He was pale, too pale for Seth's liking. There were dark circles underneath his eyes. An IV was hooked up to one arm, and a heart monitor was hooked up to the other. But the thing that mortified Seth the most was the tube had been stuck down Ryan's throat, to help him breathe. He'd forgotten about that part. The doctor had told them it was a safety precaution, since Ryan had swallowed so much blood and had then had his stomach pumped. The tube was held in place by tape on the sides of Ryan's face. Seth wanted to rip it out and tell it to stop harassing his friend.

Finally gaining the courage to move his feet, Seth closed the door gently behind him and made his way over to the side of the bed. He noticed that the nurses had set up a roll away bed on the other side, probably at his Mom's demand. There was a chair near Ryan's side and Seth went to sit in it, but found that he had sat enough that day. He looked down on Ryan's sleeping face and had to look at the heart monitor to reassure himself that he was just sleeping. He felt tears sting at his eyes, but held them back.

"Hey man," he whispered, suddenly wondering what he was going to say. What could he say? Sorry someone shot you? It was amazing how one guy could find Seth Cohen at a loss for words so many times. Seth lived off his wit and ability to come up with charming remarks on the spot. But with Ryan, it was always different. Whenever Ryan talked about his past, or gave him warnings about doing the right or wrong thing, Seth always found himself at a loss for words. What was he suppose to say to things like that? And what was he suppose to say now? Would Ryan even hear anything that he said?

Deciding that he would get nowhere if he didn't start, Seth took a seat and looked at the hand that lay limply on the bed in front of him. "So I guess the party didn't turn out so great after all." He shook his head, knowing that he should be saying something better, more sincere and heartfelt. He sighed, and lifted his hand to touch Ryan's limp fingers. Ryan had never been one for affection. He'd always been awkward with hugs, from anybody. Seth hoped he could forgive him for holding his hand, just this once. "You know, Ryan, I've got a million things to say to you and you're not making this very easy by just lying there. You should be up, exemplifying your thoughts with a look, giving me one word descriptions when I ask how your day was, which always paint the most realistic picture Ryan, just thought you should know." Seth babbled, sighing when he caught himself. He stared at Ryan's face, which hadn't changed, hadn't moved, hadn't even twitched. He half expected Ryan's eyes to open and for his foster brother to give him one of his infamous looks. But there was no such luck.

"I should have done more," Seth mused out loud suddenly, giving Ryan's hand a light squeeze. "You always have my back whenever I need you, man, and I don't think I've returned the favor. Especially not with the whole Oliver thing. But I promised you that I would never do that again. And look how great I held up that promise. God, why can't I just ever come through for you? No, I just stood back and watched it all happen." Seth chewed on his lower lip, desperately wanting Ryan to wake up and tell him not to blame himself. But he knew that he should blame himself. He'd made a promise to Ryan and he'd failed to hold up his end of the bargain. He just hoped that if, when, Ryan awoke, he'd forgive him. "I know I've said this before, but I'm sorry I failed you and it will never, never happen again as long as you wake up." A pause. "But if you don't wake up, then we don't have a deal. So, you pretty much have to wake up." He chuckled to himself, knowing that Ryan would have appreciated the joke if he would have been awake to hear it.

Seth sat there for a few more minutes, holding Ryan's hand, feeling how limp and unaware Ryan was. He wondered if Ryan would ever come back from this. He gave Ryan's hand one last squeeze before he stood. "Well, I'll see you later, buddy," he said. "Hey, if you wake up soon, oh, oh, what's that? I hear the ninja game calling your name. It's missed you, we have that sort of bond where I can tell what it's thinking. And you don't want to make the ninja game upset, you wouldn't want to see it when it's angry." Seth caught himself babbling again and smiled. "Just get better, yeah?" He gave Ryan's hand a pat before he left the room, trying hard not to let the tears come. Not yet, he had to wait just a little longer before he could cry over Ryan, over what had been done to Ryan, over everything that had been done to Ryan.

Making his way out into the waiting room, Seth wasn't surprised to find two uniformed police officers talking to Sandy. When Sandy noticed his son, he promptly turned from the officers, asking for a minute. Sandy walked away from them and came over to Seth. "Why don't you go home for a little bit, Seth?" Sandy said. "We can call you when he wakes up."

Seth didn't have time to answer as Kirsten answered for him. "Sandy, why don't you and Seth both go home and get some rest. It will do none of us any good if we're just sitting her exhausting ourselves. I've got a bed made in Ryan's room, I'll stay the night with him. Besides, you've got to take Summer home."

"Always thinking, honey," Sandy said, going to his wife and giving her a kiss. Seth normally would have complained about the public display of affection, but decided to let it go. He looked over to the police before deciding that he wouldn't argue. He'd go home and sleep on the couch to wait for his Mom's phone call. There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight.

Sandy pulled away from his wife and smiled at Seth. "Ready to go?" He asked.

Seth only nodded as he went over to Summer and gently woke her up. She seemed disoriented at first but when she realized where she was, her eyes went wide and she sat up quickly. "Where is Ryan? Is he okay? Did something happen?" The questions spewed forth in a blur and Seth shook his head, finally covering her mouth with his hand. She looked at him, shocked.

"He's still sleeping," Seth told her. "We're going home and we'll drop you off on the way."

Summer looked almost disappointed at the notion but didn't say anything. Instead, she stood up and gave Kirsten a hug, to which Kirsten smiled at Seth and Sandy but then hugged the girl back. "Don't worry, Mrs. Cohen," she said, holding Kirsten's shoulders. "Ryan's a tough guy, he'll be okay."

"Thank you, Summer," Kirsten said and accepted another kiss from Sandy before the trio was out the door.

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**Review Responses:**

**Dumbeblondi02: **I don't think I'm ready to write a Ryan's death story yet, but I don't really know where this story will take me, so there's always the possibility. ;)

**kandy4eva: **Thank you! Yeah, I do love the Kandy stuff. I don't think I'm that good at writing it, though. And as for the medical stuff, don't be too impressed, I'm sure there's a ton of stuff wrong with what I wrote. I basically used stuff that I learned from movies, tv, and high school biology to help me with that stuff. Not to mention my own experiences in an ER waiting room.

**KiKiCohen: **Thank you! I'm glad you like it. Yeah, I can't wait until Ryan wakes up either. It might be a little bit, though. Just to warn you. ;)

**Callie-Cat: **Yeah, I've noticed that Ryan is always taking the blame for stuff that he has little to no control over. That's part of the reason I love him so much. And that's why I'm really excited for season 3 to start.

**SVOC Luva: **Is this ASAP enough for you:-D Enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

"_Are we doing this?" Ryan asked as he looked down at Theresa, feeling her hands roaming over his body. She smiled up at him, that coy smile that had always melted away his protective shell, the smile that had always made the hurts go away. God how he'd missed that smile. _

"_It's not like we haven't before," she whispered, leaning up to kiss him. Ryan kissed her back, feeling like he was back home again. But it was a different sense of the word. It wasn't the home where he would get his ass kicked every time he walked into the house. It was the home that he'd had to sneak into through a window in the middle of the night. It was the home he felt only when he was laying beside Theresa on her bed, as she stroked his hair away from some new black eye that he'd gotten earlier. It was the home he knew when Theresa was the only one who could see him cry and not judge him. It was the home he hadn't known he was missing. _

_The door to the hotel suddenly burst open and Ryan was immediately off the bed, looking at an estranged Eddie. But it wasn't Eddie as he remembered him. This Eddie was 14 again. He was shorter, almost Ryan's height, and he was baby faced, without the goatee. The tears that were in his eyes were the tears of a child. He held a gun out in front of him. "She's mine!" Eddie cried, his voice young again. Ryan held up his hands. "We can't share!" _

"_Eddie, calm down man," Ryan tried to coax, suddenly noticing that his voice had changed. He looked over at himself in the mirror and saw that he had digressed five years and was now 11 years old. He gulped nervously and looked back at Eddie, whose face was raw emotion. "Don't do this, please," Ryan begged. _

"_I can't," Eddie said back. "I trusted you. We all trusted you. But look what you did. Look what you did to our crew. Trey's in jail. Arturo's on his way to prison. It was you and me, Ry. You and me. We were all that's left. And look what you went and did? You slept with my fiancée! What the fuck, Ryan?"_

"_Eddie, please," Ryan begged again. _

_Theresa suddenly got off the bed. She stalked over to Eddie and turned around, running her hands along Eddie's shoulders. "Ryan, it would have never worked out." She said, her voice monotone. "I belong with Eddie." _

"_Theresa…" _

"_I want this," and as if to stress her point, she kissed Eddie. Eddie looked up at Ryan through the kiss. He aimed the gun and Ryan went to yell, but Eddie pulled the trigger, silencing him, for good. _

Ryan jerked awake. Though as soon as he did, a wave of pain coursed through his body, almost sending him into the dreamy states of unconsciousness again. His eyes were pressed shut, tightly. He breathed in slowly, willing the pain away. It took him a while to notice that someone was holding his hand and gently stroking his forehead. He tried to remember where he was, but found that he couldn't recall falling asleep. The memory of Eddie at the party, however, told him all he needed to know.

Deciding that he wanted to know who was touching him so softly, he slowly started to open his eyes. They fluttered for a few moments and he tried to blink away the fogginess. As soon as he could see straight, he looked at the person sitting by his side. He was surprised to find that it was Kirsten. She wasn't looking at him, instead her eyes were on his hand as she held it. She had stopped stroking his forehead and now held his hand in both of hers. Ryan was almost devastated to see tears in her eyes. God, why did he always have to cause this family so much pain?

Ryan tried to call out softly to her, but found that something was in his mouth, and that something was down his throat as well. As soon as he realized it was there, it begun to hurt. With the hand that Kirsten wasn't holding, he reached up, almost sluggishly, to remove whatever foreign object had found its way into his mouth. Kirsten saw the motion and looked to his face while at the same time gently grabbing his wrist in the process.

"Ryan," she said, relieved. "Let it alone, sweetie." Ryan looked to her, confused. "It's to help you breathe." She stood up, not letting go of his hand as she pressed the call button. She sat back down and smiled at him. "The doctor will take it out now that you're awake, I'm sure."

Nodding to let her know that he understood, he suddenly felt a wave of pain race through his stomach. He clenched his eyes shut and Kirsten's hand was immediately back stroking his forehead. The pain was blinding but it died down again after a few minutes. Ryan realized that Kirsten had been talking to him through it all. "It's okay, sweetie," she was saying. "You're all right, it will pass. You're all right."

Ryan opened his eyes again and looked at her. She smiled at him wanly. The doctor came into the room, halting anything further that Kirsten had to say. When the doctor saw that Ryan was awake, he smiled, almost too happy. "Well, Mr. Atwood," he said, his voice cheerful. Ryan felt like throttling the man. "It's good to see you awake. We were worried there for a while." Ryan lifted his hand and felt at his throat, hoping the doctor would catch on to what he wanted. Luckily, the doctor was no dummy. "I suppose you'd like that ventilator out, wouldn't you? Let me see what I can do."

Kirsten held his hand as the doctor took the tape off the sides of Ryan's face. "Just relax," the doctor said. "This will hurt a little." Ryan tried to relax, but as soon as the doctor began to pull on the tube, Ryan gagged and slammed his eyes shut. It was a burning pain as the tube was removed, he felt it scrape up against his throat. In just a few seconds, the pain was over, but it left his throat sore and raw. Ryan felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, but he kept his eyes closed until they were gone. Kirsten held his hand through it all. "There we go, all done." The doctor announced.

Licking his lips to wet them again, Ryan opened his mouth to talk but his voice cracked and was halted. Kirsten reached over to the small table and grabbed a small cup. She reached inside and pulled out an ice chip. Ryan knew the drill and opened his mouth as Kirsten placed the ice chip in his mouth. He ran his tongue over it, trying to melt it as quickly as possible. Ryan licked his lips again once it was gone and tried once more to talk. This time, he managed a hoarse sentence. "Is everyone okay?" he asked.

Kirsten gave a small unbelieving chuckle and rubbed his arm. "Ryan, everyone's fine." She assured him. "We were just all worried about you."

"Sorry," Ryan apologized, looking down.

Kirsten took his chin and made her look at him. "This is by no means your fault and don't you dare think otherwise." She gave him the look to pronounce her point and Ryan nodded, though they both knew he wasn't entirely convinced.

The doctor smiled at the site. "Well, Ryan," he began, drawing both of their attention to him. "I'll fill you in with what's going on." The doctor went on to explain Ryan's condition. As he was hearing it, Ryan was having a hard time concentrating on what the doctor was saying. He was getting too caught up with every new problem that the doctor brought up. He caught on that this was very serious and that it involved his hip, liver, and stomach, but aside from that, he really didn't know what else the doctor was saying. Ryan could only stare. When the doctor was finished, Ryan nodded. "But, the good news is," Ryan perked up at that. "That if there are no further complications, you should be able to go home in a day or two." Ryan's face fell. A day or two? He hated hospitals.

The doctor nodded, looked once more at the charts, and then said goodbye, leaving Ryan and Kirsten alone. Ryan turned his head to look at Kirsten, his eyes dropping sleepily. Kirsten smiled at him reassuringly. "At least you'll be able to go home soon."

"Not soon enough," he said and winced when his voice caught again. Kirsten gave him another ice chip and watched as he closed his eyes to suck on it.

"Why don't you get some rest?" Kirsten suggested, stroking his forehead again.

Ryan nodded, but then a thought came to him. "Theresa?" he asked, not bothering to open his eyes.

"She's with her Mom," Kirsten answered quietly, willing Ryan to be satisfied and get some more rest.

But Ryan wasn't satisfied yet. "Eddie?"

"Don't you worry about him now," she whispered. "Get some rest, Ryan. Seth and Sandy will be here when you wake up." Ryan was too sleepy to express his thoughts, but as he drifted off to sleep, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt at the thought that Seth and Sandy would have to come back. He fell asleep with a sigh.

* * *

**Review Responses:**

**I-Believe-In-The-Butterflies: **Yeah, I'm going to resolve the Theresa thing as much as I can and then get her the hell out of the story, lol. And I don't do big bangs and happy times. I do long, drawn out bangs and then some content times. Happy times are a rarity it seems. But I'll see if I can't slip a few of them into here. :)

**xoleanderx: **I think Seth is the hardest character to write for other than Ryan. With Seth, it's hard to get his babbling down, but with Ryan, it's hard to guess how he will react to things sometimes. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep them in character as much as possible. Oh, and the three chapters in two days thing...that doesn't happen that often, lol. But I'm keeping up with this as much as I can. I'm totally obsessed with this show right now, so there's a lot of inspiration, not just for this story, but for other OC fics as well that will come after this. Not all What if's either.

**Christina: **Well thank you! I'll try to update as much as possible. I love Ryan's connetion with the Cohen's. I think it's a very complicated relationship, but at the same time, it's very loving and beautiful. It's one of my favorite aspects of the show.

**TeacherTam: **Yeah! I'm actually taking a psychology course right now and we learned a little bit about that, but because I'm a horrible student, I don't know what the disorder is called either, lol. But I do love that aspect of Ryan's character, how he always takes on the blame. I was watching a few episodes today with my friend, who I introduced to the show (and he's obsessed with it now too, lol) and I was really watching for it.My favorite quote from the show is something Sandy says to Ryan where he's like, "You don't have to be the parent here." I thought that was so true and such a good thing for him to say. Ryan needs to hear it more often, I think.

**jumby8: **Why thank you! Yes, it is inevitable for Ryan to escape his past. Even on the show, he never really gets away from it. When I first saw this episode, I really thought this was how it was going to take place. I could totally see Eddie just going ape shit and shooting someone. So I decided to make it happen. :) And nah, I'm not going to kill off Ryan (at least I don't think I am) but there will be lots of angst and suffering all around.

**Dumbeblondi02: **Well I wouldn't want you to stop reading it:) I'm loving all the friendly reviews I'm getting. And I also love Kirsten and Ryan's relationship. I think I'll play with it a lot in this story, along with Seth and Ryan's relationship. I may save Ryan and Sandy's relationship for a different story though, but we'll see.

**jess: **Thank you! I'm really rolling with this story, so I should be able to keep the updates coming at a pretty nice pace.

**Vancouverite: **Thank YOU! I love your story "Fading." I wanted to do a Ryan cancer story, but then I found yours and knew I couldn't write anything half as good, lol. I still might try later on, but I'm just not sure. I like your story too much and it would probably just end up to be like yours, lol. I have a lot of "what ifs" in mind. But I also have a lot of other stories in mind too. We'll see what I'm inspired to write next, though. This story is still a pretty long way from being over, I think. I'm sort of just winging it right now, but I have a few twists in mind.

**Gator-Girl: **I love angst too. And when are there never complications with Ryan? ;) You can expect some, so don't worry, hehe.

**To All: **Thanks for all the reviews! I love seeing them clogging up my e-mail! Keep them coming. I'm sorry this chapter was shorter than the rest, but the next chapter will be longer, I promise. We'll see how you respond to the first twist I throw your way! Hehe. snickers evilly


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

Seth sat in a chair in Ryan's hospital room, attempting to pull off the angst, brooding teenager look that Ryan had mastered so perfectly. It obviously wasn't working as his parents were taking no notice of him. Kirsten had called them early that morning, telling them that Ryan had woken up and was expecting to see them when he woke up again. Sandy had called into school and had explained to them what was going on. Dr. Kim had seemed understanding, but there were still questions to be answered, Seth could tell by the way Sandy had hung up the phone with white, clenched knuckles and stood with his back to Seth, seething for a moment before turning on his happy face and telling him it was time to go see Ryan. Seth hadn't pressed.

But now that they were here, Ryan had yet to wake up. Kirsten had told them that Ryan had been rather groggy and disoriented when he'd woken up before, but aside from that, he'd seemed fine. Seth was relieved. He had hoped that Ryan would come away clean, without any traumatizing symptoms. But he supposed it was still too early to get his hopes up. But there was always a good batch of optimism when it came to Seth Cohen.

"They should have a tv in here," Seth mumbled, flipping the page of a comic he'd thought to bring for Ryan. Sandy turned to look at him from where he sat on the other side of Ryan's bed, looking just as bored.

"This is the ICU, Seth. People normally aren't aware enough to watch television." Sandy replied. Seth only grunted out his disapproval. He glanced towards Ryan, who had shifted a bit on the bed. Sandy was immediately on his feet, while Kirsten was leaning over him, brushing his hair back, not sure whether to wake him or to let him rest. Her decision was made for her when Ryan's eyes fluttered open.

It took a moment for Ryan to get a sense of where he was, and when he did, he relaxed a bit with a smile. "Glad you could join the living," Seth said, standing as well. Ryan turned to look at him, the smile still on his face.

"Ignore him," Kirsten joked. "How are you feeling? Any pain?" She rubbed his hair back again and Seth wanted to tell her to stop, that Ryan wouldn't like the combed back look she was giving him. He was more into the frumpy bangs. But he managed to hold back the smart remark, knowing that an important question had been asked.

Ryan seemed to analyze himself for a moment. There was a flicker of something in his eyes, but he shook his head before raising a hand to point at the comic Seth held in his hand. "New Legion," he whispered, his voice still hushed and rather hoarse.

"Yeah, man," Seth said, grinning and handing the comic to Ryan. "Thought you would like that. Something to keep you entertained when you aren't being seduced by all the nurses around here. I'm serious Ry, you should see some of them. Hot. It's just a matter of time before you pick one of them up."

Ryan chuckled softly, but it turned into a half wince that didn't go unnoticed by Kirsten or Sandy. Sandy leaned over now, taking on the worried parental role. "What's wrong? Are you sure there isn't any pain?" Sandy asked, ready to lift up the blankets to inspect Ryan for himself. Ryan brushed Sandy away with a small wave of his hand.

"It just aches," he replied, looking between Sandy and Kirsten. "Seriously, I'm fine." He said, willing his voice to sound a little stronger. He succeeded in warding off the worried Cohens, for a little while at least. Seth studied Ryan's face, knowing that his foster brother was probably lying. He wondered if he should say anything, knowing that he'd get much more out of Ryan right now than his parents would. But Seth wasn't given the time to press any further when the door to the ICU room opened. The three Cohen's and Ryan all turned to look.

Dawn Atwood stood in the doorway, her sunglasses covering her eyes. Her hair was disheveled, and she wore the familiar jean coat that Ryan had always known her to wear. The room was awkwardly quiet as Dawn stood in the doorway. No one knew what to say. They hadn't exactly parted on good terms, thought at least she'd made it clear she was leaving last time, instead of just up and moving out with only a note as a goodbye. Ryan didn't know entirely if he wanted her here or not. He'd been a little uneasy with the Cohen's here, but his Mom?

Finally, Dawn made a move. She took her sunglasses off first and Ryan saw her red brimmed eyes. She'd been crying. He wondered if it was over him or over something he didn't want to know about. "Hey," Dawn gave quietly, not taking her eyes off her son. "I came as soon as I could."

"Why?" Ryan asked before he could stop himself.

Seth bit back a snort and moved to stand near the back of the room. Kirsten stood from the side of the bed and went to sit in one of the chairs, allowing Dawn to come and stand by Ryan's bed. Sandy didn't move, unsure of how well Ryan would take having his mother show up like this.

Dawn reached for Ryan's hand, but he pulled it away rather harshly, frowning at her. She looked horrible. The circles under her eyes were pronounced, her face was droopy, and she had a scattered look in her eyes. He knew she was drinking again. He wondered if she was using again. He wouldn't put it past her. Even though she'd left AJ for good, as far as he knew, he wondered if she had perhaps gotten too addicted to the coke when AJ had been around.

"I wanted to see if you were okay," Dawn said, reaching out to touch Ryan's head. He moved away , a distressed look crossing his face for a second. Seth saw his mom tense. He wasn't sure if they should leave the room. He didn't think leaving Dawn alone with Ryan was such a good thing, considering the last time she'd shown up.

"I'm fine," Ryan snapped, though he looked anything but fine at the moment. The wild anger in his eyes only made him look sicker. He had paled a bit and Seth was suddenly worried that maybe this was all too much for him all at once. Kirsten must have thought the same thing, because she took a step forward and placed a hand on Dawn's arm.

"Dawn, I think it would do Ryan some good if he got some rest and you came back later," she suggested, trying not to sound too condescending when she said it.

Dawn gave her an incredulous look. "I'd like to talk to my son," she said with a bob of her head. Her voice had raised a little and Ryan closed his eyes, knowing without a doubt that she was under some influence, whether it be alcohol of cocaine, he didn't know and didn't care, he was suddenly not feeling very well. Nausea was churning his stomach and making his head spin. Not to mention, the sharp pain he'd felt in his side had spread and was now adding to his discomfort.

"This is no place to make a scene," Sandy warned, his face stern.

"A scene?" Dawn scoffed. "I'm not making a scene!" She yelled and Ryan's headache suddenly increased tenfold. He scrunched his face in an attempt to make the ache go away. "Is it wrong for a mother to want to see her son?" Dawn's mouth was left hanging open as she waited for a response.

Seth didn't know what to do. He wanted to tell Dawn to shove off, but he thought he'd let his parents handle her. Though, if they asked him to, he wouldn't mind calling for a nurse to escort the stoned woman out. Seth looked to his Dad and they made eye contact. Sandy sighed and rounded the bed. "Come on, why don't we talk in the hall?"

Dawn shoved Sandy's hands off and started off on another rant. Kirsten was trying to get them to quiet down. Seth chanced a glance at Ryan and saw how pale his face had gotten. Ryan's eyes were closed and his breathing was rather heavy. Seth knew someone who was about to vomit when he saw one. "Mom," Seth called, not knowing what to do.

Kirsten turned immediately and took in the situation. She went into action quickly, grabbing the bucket at the side of Ryan's bed and holding it out for him. He was already moving before she had it firmly in place. He grabbed onto the edge and wretched horribly. Kirsten rubbed his back. Seth was once again at a loss over what to do. He knew Ryan probably wouldn't appreciate all these pairs of eyes at him, but he also knew that right now, he didn't care what Ryan thought. He wanted to make sure the other boy was all right. Ryan gasped suddenly and grabbed his side.

"What's the matter?" Sandy asked, his voice raised in worry and mild panic as he came around and sat on the bed, trying to get a good look at Ryan's face, which was still hovering over the bucket. "What hurts?" Sandy asked.

Ryan couldn't answer as another spurt of vomiting erupted from his throat. "Sandy," Kirsten gasped. Sandy was instantly on his feet and pushing past Dawn, who was standing shocked. He tore into the hall and immediately called for a nurse or a doctor.

Seth had missed something, he knew he had. He took a step forward and looked into the bucket. His heart nearly stopped when he saw the blood that had come out with the last round of vomit. Ryan raised his head a little, his face scrunched in a grimace. Blood stained his mouth and Ryan let out a small whimper as he vomited yet again, more blood coming up.

"Oh God," Kirsten whispered.

Sandy was still in the hall, trying to get a doctor. Dawn stood still, shocked. Finally she found her words. "Ryan?" she asked quietly and tried to come forward. "God, is he okay?" Kirsten didn't answer.

Seth could only stand by helplessly as doctors rushed in, followed by Sandy. The doctors moved Kirsten and Dawn out of the way, immediately taking over. One of them lifted the blankets and pulled Ryan's hospital gown to the side. Seth gasped at the sight of Ryan's wound. Around it where scars that had been stitched up. But the whole area was bruised a dark purple and blue and pink. When the doctor prodded the area, Ryan bucked at the sudden pain, nearly knocking a doctor over.

"We've got to get this kid in surgery, now," the doctor said, looking at the nurse who was preparing a needle. She plunged it into Ryan's thigh, but Ryan barely seemed to notice.

Sandy wrapped his arm around Kirsten, who took hold of Seth's hand. They watched in silence as Ryan's eyes closed almost immediately, his head lolling to the side. A nurse suddenly turned to them and ushered them out the door.

The Cohen's and Dawn were led to the waiting room, where they stood, shocked.

"I don't get it," Seth said to himself. "He was fine like two minutes ago."

"He was hurting," Sandy said, almost angrily. "He just didn't tell us." Kirsten, who was near tears, only nodded.

Seth ran a hand over his face and suddenly had a thought. "I have to call Summer." He went to find a payphone, looking back over his shoulder to see Sandy and Kirsten standing awkwardly next to Dawn, who had yet to find her words.

* * *

**Review Responses:**

**I-Believe-In-The-Butterflies: **So that was my twist. I guess I'll deal with it more in the next chapter, hehe. But yeah, I always picture Ryan not wanting anything to do with hospital stuff like that. He's more of a natural, "I'm tough" type of person. :)

**Vancouverite: **Haha, yeah, winging it is the only way I do most of my fanfic. I usually have some ideas of where to go, but for this one, I'm just doing what I want to do and we'll see where it goes from there. :) I know this chapter wasn't that long either, but I just can't write much longer ones. I'll try though, I promise.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

"Oh, so suddenly this whole thing is my fault?" Dawn squawked, her head bobbing in classic Dawn Atwood style. Seth found himself wondering how in the world Ryan had turned out the way he did. Sure, Ryan had a temper and sometimes had an attitude, he at least, for the most part, was able to process actual thoughts and emotions. Dawn seemed unable to do such things and usually just displayed whichever emotion popped into her head. It was making for a good fireworks show, but was unfortunately drawing the attention of everyone in the ICU waiting room. Seth sat quietly, once in a while glancing over at the two other families who were waiting for news on their loved ones. They seemed to be more interested in the show Dawn was putting on than they were in finding out about their family members. Seth wondered if any of them had someone who was in as bad of shape as Ryan.

Sandy Cohen, who was quite the opposite of Dawn when it came to controlling his temper, was slowly losing his patients. He was used to this, used to hearing people make up excuses. It was what he did for a living. But at least the excuses made up in court could be somewhat plausible. Nothing Dawn had to say would convince Sandy that she was doing the right thing. And he was going to make her know that.

"No, I am not blaming this on you," Sandy waved his hands towards the doors that separated them from Ryan. "You couldn't have made this happen. What I do blame you for is the fact that you came into a hospital flying high. Do you know how wrong this is? You have put that boy through enough. You left him with us for a reason, so things like this don't happen to him anymore."

Dawn's face turned red and she pointed a shaking finger at Sandy's face, but Seth's father didn't even flinch. Seth gave him mad props.

"I left him with you to give him a better life, something that I knew I couldn't give him," Dawn said, tears forming in her eyes. "But he didn't get shot on my watch, this didn't happen under my care."

"No, you're right," Sandy's voice was rose a notch. "But we're here taking care of it. We're here making sure he's getting the best medical treatment Newport has to offer. And if that's not enough, we'll take him somewhere else that can treat him. Bad things happen, Dawn, things not even we can control. But we're not giving up on this kid, that's your job."

"Sandy," Kirsten warned. Sandy took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. He looked towards Dawn, who looked like everything a stricken mother should look like, minus the slight dilation of her eyes.

Sandy ran a hand through his hair. "Look," he said, more calmly. "What Ryan needs now is to know that he's being cared for. He needs to feel like he's safe. No matter how tough you think this kid is, and believe me, he's tough, we know…he's been through a very traumatizing event. I've seen the effects stuff like this has had on kids. And for Ryan, this is just going to be another bad nightmare for him to get pass. He doesn't need his drunken mother coming in here, causing a scene and making him feel like things won't be all right."

Dawn was visibly struggling not to cry. Sandy's eyes showed that he felt sympathy for her, but he wouldn't ever let up when it came to Ryan's well being. Dawn nodded suddenly and grabbed her jean jacket, putting it on and placing her sunglasses on the top of her head. "You're right," she said, frowning away a sob. "Ryan has been through a lot. But you need to know that I've tried my best. It's just not in the cards. Just tell him I said I'm sorry?"

Sandy nodded and Dawn looked towards Kirsten and Seth, nodding at them, her eyes meeting Kirsten's for a moment before she turned and walked out the door, pulling out a cigarette as she did so. As soon as the doors closed, the ICU waiting room was filled in an awkward silence. Sandy glanced at the other families, who all looked away, embarrassed to have been caught watching the scene. Sandy sighed and took a seat beside Seth, who was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed.

"Well, I'm glad she's gone," Seth said brightly, though his face hardly showed it.

Kirsten patted Seth's knee. "As much as I'm glad she's not here, I'm not looking forward to telling Ryan that his mother has abandoned him again."

"Then tell him we chased her out," Sandy suggested. "He'll understand."

"Do you think he's okay?" Seth asked, looking up at his parents. They both looked at him, question in their eyes. "I mean, I've never seen someone throw up blood before, except for in like, movies and stuff, but then they're usually dying. Do you think Ryan's going to be all right?"

Kirsten took hold of Seth's hand. "We hope so," she said, forcing a smile. "It could be just that his stitches came out."

"Or it could be something more serious," Seth said, looking at his shoes.

Sandy sighed and leaned back in his chair, staring at the closed doors. "It always can be something serious. We just have to keep faith that the doctors know what they're doing and hope for the best."

"Way to be optimistic, Dad," Seth joked.

Sandy rubbed Seth's hair, to which Seth immediately went to work fixing what damage had been done to his precious locks. As he was doing so, Luke and Marissa came into the waiting room. Marissa looked near frantic. Sandy rose, his fatherly instincts towards the girl kicking in. She came over to them.

"What happened?" She asked, her eyes glancing between all three of the Cohens. "We saw Ryan's mom leave, she was crying. Is Ryan okay?"

Sandy reached out a hand and grabbed her arm, trying to calm her. "They had to take him back into surgery," he said quietly. "We don't know anything yet. But Dawn won't be coming back."

"Unless the hospital decides to host a happy hour," Seth chimed in, gaining equally lethal glares from both his parents. He smiled and shrugged.

Marissa and Luke both took a seat next to Seth as Sandy went in search of coffee. Kirsten stepped out in the hall to call Jimmy, and possible her father. Seth leaned back in the chair, rubbing his eyes. Marissa waited until he was stretched to prod him for details. "So, how did he look? Did you get to see him?"

Seth nodded. "Yeah, he seemed fine, besides the whole, you know, puking blood."

"What?" Marissa shocked, her eyes going wide. "Was it bad? Did they say anything?"

Seth shook his head. "We don't know anything. They took him into surgery about an hour ago."

Luke leaned back in his chair, looking at the doors that led to the ICU unit. He twitched his mouth. "Hey at least that Eddie kids going to be gone for a while. What a freak."

Seth and Marissa gave Luke an incredulous look, to which he promptly ignored them, or was just oblivious. "Yeah, and Theresa's on her way to Atlanta." Marissa added.

"What?" It was Seth's turn to look shocked.

Marissa looked almost hurt that Seth would care whether or not Theresa was leaving, but she decided to leave her personal issues out of this one. "Yeah, she left this morning. She gave me a note to give to Ryan."

"Did you read it?" Seth asked before he could think.

"No!" Marissa jolted. "I wouldn't do that."

Sandy came back with five cups of coffee balanced onto a cardboard holder. He handed out the coffees, saving one for Kirsten as he took a seat. There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment before Seth, ever faithful, decided to break it. "Dad, I think we should take this as a sign."

"Oh yeah?" Sandy asked, rubbing the side of his face.

"No more parties," Seth said. Sandy smiled, though it was a small one. "And especially no more parties for Grandpa. Whenever Mom hosts one, we always fall under the Caleb Nichol curse where at least one person leaves with a black eye."

"No argument here," Sandy joked.

Kirsten came back into the room, her cell phone still in hand. She looked as though she had something important to say. But as soon as she opened her mouth, a doctor came into the waiting room, halting any conversation that didn't have to do with how Ryan was doing. Sandy rose quickly to his feet, as Seth and the others were more slow about it.

"How is he?" Kirsten asked, beating them all to the punch.

The doctor smiled warmly, but the smile didn't meet his eyes. "Well, the good news is that it was nothing too serious. The stitches in his stomach had come out. We've decided to keep him heavily sedated for a few days so it won't happen again. It seems he's a restless sleeper. We're going to keep him in ICU for the next two days and if we feel he's made sufficient improvement, we're going to move him to the standard wing for at least the next week."

"A week?" Sandy asked. "I knew it was serious, but seems like a lot just for a few ripped stitches."

The doctor nodded. "You're observant," he gave. "We had a close call during the surgery. Ryan went into cardiac arrest for about a minute." Seth felt his own heart stop. Dear God, he had come so close to losing his best friend. Seth felt like he might pass out, but Marissa slung an arm through his and the contact made him feel a little less light headed. He wasn't alone. Kirsten had paled visibly and Luke looked a little disturbed. Sandy was the only one who seemed to be holding it together, except fort he wide eyes and obviously distressed look he held in them. "He's fine now. We've given him sedatives. He's going to be out for the next couple of days, like I said. He's lost a lot of blood, so we had to give him a blood transfusion. Now we're pretty certain we've gotten all the bleeding under control. We're going to be checking up on him hourly to make sure something like this doesn't happen again."

"Are there," Kirsten had to swallow the lump in her throat before she could continue. "Are there going to be any complications from…from that minute?"

Knowing what she was asking, the doctor sighed. "There is always the possibility that when a person's heart stops, that there may be complications, yes. The lowest of the scale would be that Ryan will be more susceptible to heat, he'll have to exercise daily to get his heart's strength back up, eat the right foods and do everything he can to keep his blood pressure down. Worse case scenario, even though we had him on oxygen, his lungs could have stopped working without the heart to power them and he could have suffered from a lack of oxygen to the brain."

"In other words," Sandy whispered, almost too quiet for Seth to hear. "He could have brain damage."

"It's a possibility," the doctor admitted. "However, from my professional experience, I would say that it's mostly unlikely. Most brain damage occurs from longer periods of time without oxygen to the brain. It would be unusual if it happened to Ryan."

The tension in the room seemed to ease a bit at the doctor's statement. "What will most likely be the case is that we'll have to prescribe medications for blood pressure, along with whatever pain relievers he'll already be on. But we'll worry about that when the time comes. It may come down to it that he won't need anything but the pain relievers."

"Thank you doctor," Sandy said.

"Can we see him?" Marissa asked, her eyes pleading.

"I'm afraid only family is allowed in the room, and we'll have to go back to one at a time. Even though he's on sedatives, he don't want any unnecessary stimulants." Marissa and Luke both looked defeated, but didn't say anything. They thanked the doctor again before they were left to contemplate just how strong Ryan Atwood was turning out to be.

* * *

**Review Responses:**

**All: **Holy crap you guys! Look how many people are reviewing. Thanks so much to all of you. I'm glad you all like it so much. Sorry for a bit of a longer wait. I had finals this week (summer courses). But now I have a WEEK of nothing to do before fall semester starts, so maybe I'll finish this story this week? Maybe...I'm not sure...I dont' really know where it's going to go, lol.

**Misty-Kid: **Hehe, I'm glad you like it. You must have missed the memo. ;) I'll be sure to notify you next time, hehe.

**KikiCohen: **I love hospital dramas too, but only because of the time when they get to go home and deal with their problems there, trying to get back into "real life." Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with this story enough to make that part the best. :)

**knadineg: **I wrote that first part just for you! I kept rewriting it because I made Sandy too out of character by cussing, lol. I was using my own voice instead of Sandy's. Sandy tends to keep calm. Maybe I should have had Kirsten stand up...but I think she sympathizes too much for Dawn. Ah well, Dawn got a Sandy Cohen cussing out. lol!

**xoleanderx: **Yeah, as much as I hate Dawn, there's no denying the fact that she is still Ryan's mother. I only thought it practical to bring her in. I really want to write another story that deals with Ryan and Dawn's relationship a bit more. As much as she sucks at being a mother, deep down I know that she knows what she's doing is wrong. I kind of feel sorry for her...kind of.

**kandy4eva: **Yes, poor Ryan indeed. I'm afraid it's only going to get harder for him.

**Callie-Cat: **Yeah, Dawn sure knows how to ruin a party. ;) I thought it would be a good thing to have her make an appearance. Maybe she'll come back later to apologize or something. But I make no guarantees. I'm glad you're liking the story!

**jess: **Haha, yeah, Dawn came and went. But I'm not sure if she's completely out of the picture just yet. She's trying really hard to give Ryan the life that he needs, but I can make no guarantees that when she boozes up again that she won't come back to apologize and just make sure her son is alive.

**Gator-Girl: **I love angst. I love reading it, I love writing it, I love watching it on tv. :) You can expect most of my stories to be angsty. This one is probably the most angsty I have in mind right now, like injury-wise, but there will be a lot of others with Ryan angst, both mental and physical.

**beachtree: **Thank you for such a long review! I'm glad that you like the story. The Ryan guilt thing is something that I love to play with. I love watching the episodes and looking for it. That's how I get most of my inspiration. Yeah, and I never planned on sending Ryan home in a day or two, lol, that just wasn't going to happen. We just have an optimistic doctor. ;) I'm no doctor, so I don't know a lot of medical stuff other than stuff I learn from tv, movies, books, and high school biology classes. So the medical stuff you see here is mostly me winging it and hoping that I get something right, lol. Just don't think you're learning anything factual from this. Although, I did look up side effects of cardiac arrest for this chapter...but still...

**Dumbeblondi02: **Sorry for the little bit of a wait! I had finals and was pretty stressed out. I couldn't promise a good chapter, so I waited a day, hehe.

**Vancouverite: **Yes! I'm a Ryan torturer! Ah...life is complete, lol! I love reading Ryan angst. I don't know...I just love it when my favorite characters are hurt. And I think guys who have broken arms are the hottest thing in the world. I think I have an extreme case of the Nightengale Syndrome (is that the right syndrome?) except without all the, let me break your arm and then nurse you back to health, lol. Because I would only break someone's arm in fiction. :)

**Gartan: **I know, I'm a meanie, hehe. Hopefully this is somewhat less of a cliffie for you. :)

**slimkay: **I know you wanted Ryan to heal fast, and he's trying, but what's a little angst without the complications?

**I-Believe-In-The-Butterflies: **I love drama too. Dawn leaves a foul taste in my mouth too, but I can't help but want to bring her into my stories, because I just know that she wants to be a good mom, but just can't because of her alcohol problems. I don't know if this is the last we'll be seeing of her or not. She may make another appearance.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Seth felt like pounding his head against a wall. A strong, sturdy wall, one that could possibly bust open his skull knock him unconscious just long enough for the days to pass by. He's wasn't hearing this, he knew that he wasn't hearing this. It was a joke, a cruel and totally out of character joke that his mom was playing on him. But as he stared at Kirsten's sad eyes and pursed lips, he knew that it was no joke. She was sadly telling the truth.

"So what? They're going to hold him back because he got shot and couldn't take his finals?" Seth blurted, not bothering to hide the disgust in his voice. "It's not like Ryan organized this whole thing. We have what, four days left of school? I don't understand why missing four days of school is such a problem."

"Seth," Sandy intervened, seeing the look of utter helplessness on his wife's face. "They won't hold Ryan back. Dr. Kim just said that they can't pass him until he's taken some sort of test on the material he's learned this year."

"Oh that's great," Seth said, rolling his eyes in disgust. "So Ryan gets shot, nearly dies, and now we're piling this on top of him too. Oh he's going to love coming back to the realm of the living." Seth crossed his arms over his chest and sat there in the waiting room chair, pouting.

"Honey, when I drop you off at school tomorrow, I'll talk to Dr. Kim and see if there isn't anything else she can do. But honestly, we should be thankful they even gave Ryan that option. They weren't even going to allow him to do that much." Kirsten said, sitting down beside her son.

"Okay, A, I'm not going to school tomorrow. And B, yet another reason why this place completely sucks. Big time." Seth sighed at the looks his parents gave him. "I just don't understand why they're punishing Ryan for something he had no control over."

"It's not a punishment, Seth," Sandy said, but then shook his head. "Look, we'll deal with this tomorrow. And you are going to school tomorrow. We can't have you falling behind now."

"Dad, there's no way…"

"We'll call you if anything happens," Kirsten promised. "Besides, you can pick up Ryan's homework."

"He'll love that," Seth mumbled, but seeing his parents were about to get angry decided to just nod in agreement instead of continuing to argue. He was saved from a further scolding when Ryan's doctor came out. He was holding a clipboard and he was smiling. Seth took that as good news.

"Well," the doctor began. "His check up is done. It looks like he's recovering from surgery fairly well. There some slight swelling in his abdomen that we'd like to watch, but other than that, he's doing just fine."

"Can we see him again?" Kirsten asked anxiously.

"Yes, one at a time," the doctor nodded. "But really, Ryan's going to be out for the next couple of days. You should really go home and get some rest. Once he wakes up, it could get fairly tiring."

"I'd like to stay with him for tonight," Kirsten said, but turned to Sandy and Seth. "But he's right. There's no reason for all of us to be here. Sandy, you have work tomorrow and Seth, you have school."

"Yeah, because we're going to be able to concentrate so well," Seth's sarcastic comment was not lost on Kirsten, but she decided to pointedly ignore it.

Sandy sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He suddenly nodded and clapped Seth on the shoulder. Seth groaned, knowing his Dad had just resigned. "You're right," he said to Kirsten. "We'll go home and come back tomorrow. I'll take half the day off and take over the night watch tomorrow night."

Kirsten smiled and they kissed while Seth looked on in defeated remorse. "Mom, maybe I could stay out here tonight and just drive to school in the mor-"

"Seth. Home. Now." Kirsten said, though there was a slight smile to her face.

Seth dipped his head, accepted a small peck on the cheek from his mother and made his way out the door, Sandy trailing quietly behind.

* * *

It was quiet and peaceful listening to the quiet, steady blip of the heart monitor. At first, she had thought that the noise would keep her awake all night. But now, she found herself anticipating the blips, feeling them lull her into a sort of half sleep as she sat beside Ryan's bed. She had found solace in the noise, knowing that as long as that machine still blipped, Ryan still lived. That thought along kept her from feeling any hatred towards the device. She thought about heading to the cot that had been laid out for her, but she was too anxious to leave Ryan's side, in case he should need her.

So when Kirsten suddenly found herself startling awake, it took her a moment to realize she had fallen asleep sitting up in the chair. Her back ached almost uncomfortably, but she ignored the pain for now went to examine the room to try and find what had made her wake so suddenly. She listened to the heart monitor, to see if the rhythm had fallen off or stopped, but it was still going, still in perfect rhythm, no discrepancies. Nothing in the room seemed out of place, except for the frown that now marred Ryan's sleeping face.

Kirsten was instantly alive when she noticed the bent eyebrows and the look of pain that kept Ryan from looking like he was merely asleep. She stood up, leaning over him and brushing back a bit of his hair. She was surprised to find that his skin was almost cold to the touch, clammy even. "Ryan?" She whispered, wondering if perhaps the nurses hadn't given him enough sedative. He was, a strong kid after all and it wouldn't surprise her if he was able to withstand a few sedatives. Ryan's frown seemed to increase and suddenly his hand was moving, clenching loosely and trying to break free of the restraints that held his wrists in place.

"Ryan," Kirsten said more solidly. "Honey, it's okay," she whispered, stroking his forehead. She reached up to hit the call button that would bring in a nurse or doctor before returning her hands to Ryan's head and arm, trying to show him that he was safe and wasn't alone. "You're okay," she said to him again.

Ryan's head suddenly jerked to the side and he let out a small distressed sound. The sound nearly broke Kirsten's heart. A tear slipped from one of Ryan's eyes and Kirsten frantically pressed the call button again and again.

Not a moment later, a doctor burst into the room, two nurses in tow. "What seems to be the problem?" he asked, immediately coming over to inspect the patient.

"I…I don't know," Kirsten stammered, as Ryan's head shook again, his whole body trying to break free of the restraints holding him down. She looked up at the doctor and saw one of the nurses already preparing a syringe. "He looks like he's in pain," Kirsten's voice was a bit more frantic than she would have liked.

The doctor quickly went to work inspecting the different monitors and IV's hooked up to Ryan's body. He lifted Ryan's hospital gown to inspect the wound and Kirsten snuck a peek. It looked terrible, but not as bad as it had been. Finally, one of the nurses came over and stuck the syringe into Ryan's thigh. He gave one last shake of his head, a small almost imperceptible word escaping his lips before his head once again lolled into a quiet sleep, but the frown never left his face. Kirsten had recognized the word from the formation Ryan's lips had taken. He'd said the word, "Mom." She felt her heart begin to race.

Doing one last quick check over, the doctor turned to Kirsten. "It's all right," he assured her, Kirsten's shoulders instantly dropping in relief. "He was having a nightmare. And a rather strong one I would say, considering it overpowered the sedatives. We've upped his dosage, so it shouldn't happen again. He's going to get a good rest."

"Thank you," Kirsten nodded to them all as they left. She sat back down in her chair and curled her fingers around Ryan's limp hand. She watched his face, wondering what nightmares he could have been having. Sandy had never really told her much about Ryan's passed other than it "wasn't pleasant" or "troubled." She'd asked to see his file once, after Christmukkah when Ryan had hinted towards his past. But Sandy had strongly informed her that it was indeed the past and it should be kept that way. She had almost asked again during the Oliver debacle, but had decided against it. Ryan was a part of their family now, and she felt that the less she knew about his past, the easier it was to pretend like it didn't happen.

But now, after meeting Theresa and knowing that Eddie and Ryan had, at one time, been friends, Kirsten was tempted to once again ask Sandy if she could see Ryan's file. There was no denying that Ryan had a past anymore, because it had finally caught up with him here in Newport. Kirsten sighed and laid her head on the bed, still watching Ryan's sleeping face. The frown had lessened somewhat, but hadn't gone away. She wished she could make it go completely away. No matter how much Ryan ran from his past, it seemed that whenever he had finally settled into his new life, something from his childhood would come back to haunt him.

Ryan had once said something about the Atwood family luck. Kirsten was beginning to see how it all played out. Was Ryan ever truly happy, she wondered? It was so rare to get a genuine smile out of the boy. He normally shot them half smiles, or play smiles, but she found that her fondest memories of Ryan were when she had seen his true smile. That morning when Dawn had left and Kirsten had announced Ryan would be staying with them. The day Dr. Kim had announced that Ryan had made it into Harbor. The smile had cracked at Christmukkah when they were taking the family picture and Seth had mentioned something about how Captain Oates would be jealous that Ryan was taking his place.

There were so few memories or Ryan truly smiling at them. Kirsten just wished she could make him smile more. She loved it when he flashed them that smile, how his face lit up as though he were only six again. She wondered if he'd smiled so big when he was a child, or he if reserved those smiles just for them. Running her hand along his forehead again, Kirsten suddenly felt tears prick at her eyes. She closed her eyes and kissed his cheek. She would give anything for Ryan to be all right again. She just wished he would wake up already and flash her that smile. The Ryan Atwood smile, underused and reserved for only the fondest memories.

* * *

**Review Responses:**

**kikicohen: **I know, poor Ryan. Hey, I hope you like this chapter. A little Kirsten/Ryan time for you. :)

**knadineg: **Glad it made your favorites! I love stories where something happens to Ryan too. And yes, that would have been totoally amazing if Kirsten would have slapped Dawn. Maybe in another story I'll have her do just that.

**Dumbeblondi02: **Thank you! I passed all my finals, so I've been partying hardy the past couple days, lol. And yeah, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Ryan angst and pain, just so long as he doesn't die. I actually hate it in stories when main characters die (just in fanfics, though). Unless it's a future fic, where Ryan is old and gray and happy with his life, lol.

**Vancouverite: **Haha, well I thought I'd give you a couple days to catch up before posting this chapter, ;) LOL! j/k Yeah, I'm glad Sandy told her off too. It was so hard to keep him in character for that though, because there were so many things I wanted someone to say to her. But I picture Sandy just being able to hold his own and be cool about it. And the Florence Nightengale Syndrome is indeed a good syndrome to have hehe. I'm glad theres a club. ;)

**steph: **Yeah, Theresa's out of the picture for now, but probably not for good for this story. We may see her again soon.

**I-Believe-In-The-Butterflies: **I'm glad people are reviewing too. And I'm glad you continue to like this story. This chapter was a little slow, but the next one will be better. I might have it up real soon because I'm really in the mood for writing, lol.

**Callie-Cat: **Thank you! I can't tell you how happy I am that so many people are enjoying this story. But, honestly, I'm sort of dreading it when Ryan wakes up. I don't know how he's going to act when he finds out all that's wrong with him, and that his mom's gone, and that Theresa's gone, lol. Poor Ryan, that's a lot to handle. And maybe there will be something else I can throw at the poor kid. ;)

**IY-ROX: **Yay! I'm glad you like it!

**slimkay: **Hehe, I try to listen to what the reviewers want to see happen. I have it plotted out for the most part, but I feel like the reviews can have some sway in what I do with it. :) I'm glad you still like it.

**xoleanderx: **Haha! Yeah, I loved writing for Sandy when he was telling off Dawn. It's hard to keep the characters in character, but I'm trying really hard. And God, I love reading stuff that gets me so involved that I get nervous for the characters hehe. I'm glad I could be of service.

**beachtree: **I'm going to be honest with you, you make me nervous when you review, lol. I wrote this chapter for you, a nice, slowed down one. I have to really be in the mood to write reflection pieces. Usually, I'm an action writer, so when someone tells me to slow down, I always take it seriously, lol. Yeah, I'm keeping real close track on all the little dramas. For my next chapter, I'm going to spread the characters out a bit so they aren't all in the emergency room. That should help a little for me to play with the individual dramas. And of course, this wouldn't be a great story if I threw in a few more dilemmas, lol. Nothing big, but they'll need to be taken care of either way. :) Thanks for the long and helpful reviews!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Seth had dreaded coming back to school, knowing that by now everyone would have heard what had happened. He didn't quite know what to expect. The upturned noses and coy whispers he saw he had learned to deal with, but the occasional sympathetic apologies from people he hardly knew were all new to him. He didn't know how to respond other than a quiet thank you. He wasn't used to the sympathy, not from people who had ignored him his whole life. It was an awkward feeling.

When lunch rolled around, he was happy for the break, and the chance to just sit with his friends. Luke and Marissa had inquired about Ryan, while Summer clung onto one of his arms. After filling them in on Ryan's condition, he told them about what Dr. Kim had said. He was glad that he wasn't the only one who was appalled.

"They're going to hold him back?" Marissa shocked. "That's totally not fair!"

"Well, how long does he have to take those tests?" Summer asked. "I mean, maybe he can wait until this whole thing has blown over and take them when he's ready."

"Somehow I don't think that's how it works," Seth grumbled, shaking his head.

"Hey maybe there's something we could do," Marissa suggested. "Maybe talk to Dr. Kim? I'm sure if we all went in there…"

"Like Dr. Kim would listen to us," Seth sighed. "Besides, I think my Dad's going to talk with her. Give her the old Cohen mind tricks, which are, by the way, very similar to Jedi mind tricks mind you…minus the whole ability of the force. We have the Jewish force on our side." Summer smacked his arm playfully and the tension seemed to lessen when Seth let out a laugh. They fidgeted with each other as Luke and Marissa just joked about Seth's Star Wars obsession.

The friendly bantering was halted when Anna came over and stood by their table. "Hey guys," she gave a small wave.

"Anna," Seth stood up and gave her a hug. "You're still here," it came out more as an observation than a question.

Anna nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah well, I'm leaving tonight."

"You are," Seth nodded, taking in the information. "Well, I thought you were going to stay for a little. I mean…until Ryan…" Seth moved his hands to elaborate.

"I know," Anna looked truly remorseful. "It's just…I need to go. I mean, the doctors said Ryan was going to be all right, didn't they? And if he's not, I'll come back. But right now, I need to do this." Seth stood by quietly, looking like someone had just smacked him across the face. Anna brushed a strand of his hair behind his ear. "So, I guess this is goodbye."

"I guess," Seth whispered. Anna patted his shoulder and he pulled her into a hug.

Turning to the others, she whispered a quiet goodbye to them. Marissa hugged her, as did Summer, who pulled back and said, "I'm going to miss you, as weird as that sounds."

"I'll miss you too," Anna smiled, tears stinging at her eyes.

"Bye Blanch."

"See ya, Rose."

Then Anna turned and walked away. Seth stood and watched her go. He felt lost. He hadn't been ready to say goodbye again just yet. He'd thought that Anna would stick around for at least another week. It was all happening so fast. He felt Summer's arm sling into his and he turned to give her a half smile.

"You okay, Cohen?" she asked. He twitched his mouth in what was suppose to be a smile, but he failed miserably. It was enough of an answer and Summer rubbed his arm. "It will be fine. It's not like you won't ever see her again. There's this marvelous new invention called a cell phone that works wonders when you want to talk to someone." Seth let a small laugh escape his mouth.

"Summer, did you just make a sarcastic comment?" Seth asked.

"Who me?" Summer asked innocently. "Never." He chuckled and kissed her. When he pulled back, she smiled. "It will be all right."

Just then, the bell rang for class and the foursome groaned. "After school I'm heading over to see Ryan," he said, turning to them all. "You guys are welcome to come."

"I'll drive," Marissa gave.

"See ya then," Luke said, pointing at them before heading off towards class. Summer gave a small shake of her head before walking Seth to his next class.

* * *

Kirsten was in the middle of reading about Dingoes in Africa when Sandy walked into the room. She looked up and instantly smiled, setting down the National Geographic. Sandy was holding a bag of carry out and two coffees. He looked around the room. "I didn't know they moved him," he whispered. "I walked into the other room and saw someone with their leg in a cast and a bandage on their face. I was beginning to get worried."

Kirsten chuckled and helped Sandy with the food. "They moved him this morning so they could make room for other patients. The doctor changed the one visitor only policy. I gave him some friendly persuasion." He kissed her on the cheek and went to go over to Ryan, but Kirsten wrapped her arms around his shoulders and drew him in for a longer, more intimate kiss. When finally she pulled away, Sandy was grinning.

"Whoa-ho," he chuckled. "We should do this more often."

"I hope not," Kirsten said, turning to look at Ryan. But she caught a whiff of the carryout and her stomach growled, giving her weakness away. "It smells wonderful."

"I thought you'd be hungry. It's probably against the rules to have food in here, but I was hungry too." Sandy nodded, starting to take out the food. "So, how is he?" He asked, looking over at Ryan who was still sleeping soundly. His face was placid, but there was more color to his cheeks than before, which was an encouragement to Sandy.

"Sleeping," Kirsten answered, already digging into some fried rice. "They had to give him a stronger sedative," she said tentatively, watching Sandy frown as he made his way over to the bed. He ran a hand over Ryan's head, looking down at him. Kirsten couldn't help but feel the warmth of the bond between Sandy and Ryan. The way Sandy was looking at Ryan right then, it was how a father would look at a son. She knew that Ryan had come a long way since that day Sandy had brought him home, with flushed cheeks, a bruised hand, and an attitude to the way he'd stood. He'd thanked Kirsten nervously for letting him stay and she had seen a glimpse of the anxious teenager he really was. But he'd only let her seen a glimpse. The rest of the time, he was cold, shut off from them. She hadn't trusted him at first. But now, things were completely different. Her first impression of the boy had been completely wrong and she regretted ever thinking those thoughts. Ryan had changed their lives. And true, they had had their ups and downs, but there was no denying the sense of motherly attachment Kirsten felt towards him. He couldn't change his past, and that was something Kirsten was going to have to deal with, they would all have to deal with.

"Did he wake up?" Sandy asked, breaking Kirsten from her thoughts.

"No," Kirsten shook her head, wondering how she would ask the question that she wanted so desperately to ask. She decided to just talk about it and let it go from there. "He was having nightmares."

"Oh," was all that Sandy gave her. She waited for him to go on, but after a moment, she realized that he didn't plan on saying anything else. He was looking down at Ryan with a frown on his face. She wished she knew what was going through Sandy's mind. He knew more about Ryan than she did and probably knew a little bit about what Ryan's nightmares were like.

Kirsten decided to confirm Sandy's thoughts. "They were about his mother," she said. Sandy looked over towards her, confused as to how she would know that if he hadn't woken up. "He called out for her," Kirsten gave softly.

"I suppose her showing up didn't help much," Sandy said before taking a seat next to Kirsten and grabbing a carton of takeout. He took a bite and sighed. "Dawn Atwood is what nightmares are made of." It was meant as a joke, but Kirsten picked up on the truth behind the statement. It was time, she knew it was.

"Sandy," she waited until he looked over at her. "I want to see his file."

"Well I don't think the doctor just gives out his patients' files…"

"You know that's not what I meant," Kirsten said, her eyes lowering at him.

Sandy nodded and held up his hand. "I know," he said before putting down the food and rubbing his hands together. "I don't know if…"

"I want to know what happened to him before he came to us," Kirsten interrupted. "I need to know."

"And after you know?" Sandy asked, looking over at her. "Then what?"

Kirsten was stunned by the question. It caught her off guard. "Well…"

"Because I tell you what," Sandy didn't let her finish. "The last thing this kid needs is someone looking at him with sympathy in their eyes. He doesn't go for it and he's going to get a whole lot of those stares after this."

Kirsten struggled to find words. She thought about letting the subject drop, letting Sandy win this argument again, but she knew that she had to do this. "Well that may be true, but I won't look at him like that. I know that his past isn't something I'm going to like. I know this, Sandy. But when I look at him, I don't look at him like he's some thug off the streets of Chino. I look at him like he is my son, Sandy. And if I'm going to consider him my son, I need to know who he is, what he's been through."

Sandy seemed to think about it for a moment, his eyes flickering towards where Ryan still slept soundly. He put a hand to his chin, rubbing his fingers over his lips. Finally, after a few moments of thought he said quietly, "Are you sure you want this?"

There was no hesitation. "Yes," she answered firmly. "I need to know. It won't change anything."

"Good," Sandy said. "Because if it does, Ryan will know and you can bet that he won't take it lightly."

"I know."

"The file is in my desk at home, top hand drawer," Sandy didn't look at her as he was saying it, as if he was giving away a hidden secret that wasn't his to give away. In a way, Kirsten knew that was exactly what he was doing. She leaned back in her chair, determination on her face. It wouldn't change the way she looked at or thought about Ryan. If anything, it would give her a better sense of where the kid was coming from. But as she realized her victory over this argument, she also realized that now it meant she was going to have to read what would probably be the hardest thing she'd ever have to read in her entire life.

* * *

**Review Responses:**

**kikicohen: **Yeah, Seth was a little bitchy, but that's how he deals with situations like this. I don't think that it's quite over yet. :) There may be an even bitchier Seth in future chapters.

**beachtree: **Why thank you! I'm glad you liked it, hehe. Yeah, there's a lot of issues that the show brings up that I wish they would elaborate on a bit more. I'm trying to keep track of them all in this story, but it's kinda hard. The next chapter is going to have some drama in it, with Anna leaving and with Kirsten reading Ryan's file. I love the dynamics in the show and I've been trying to bring them into this story as much as possible. This is my first OC fanfic, so hopefully I can learn what works and doesn't work so that the next one will be good as well.

**Callie-Cat: **Thank you! I really love Kirsten and Ryan's relationship as well. I finally watched the season finale of season 2 and, even though I had heard that Kirsten said something far meaner to Ryan, I was still really intrigued with what she said to him. I just wish the show was more than just an hour long so they could touch on the little things like that a bit more. Well, I guess that's what they got fanfics for, hehe. :)

**slimkay: **Kirsten is going to unleash herself, but it's going to be misplaced anger. :) Especially the next episode. It's going to be rough for her.

**I-Believe-In-The-Butterflies: **Hey thanks for keeping up with the reviews! I'm glad you still like the story, hehe. I'm really getting into this.

**forgottenletters: **Good idea. ;) The next chapter will be partly about Kirsten reading Ryan's files. So, part of your request is answered, hehe. I'll see what I can do about the other part.

**TeacherTam: **Thank you for all the reviews! I'm glad you're reading my story. Yeah, I love Ryan's character. I think he's just about my favorite character in any television show. He's got such a great personality and back story.

**Dumbeblondi02: **That would be an interesting twist! I should have thought about a different word for Ryan to whisper, because I don't see Ryan calling Kirsten "Mom", at least not yet. But I may use that in a different story. :)

**IY-ROX: **Thank you! The gruesome twosome will come into play a little later. Well, at least Caleb will. Perhaps I can throw in some Kirsten/Julie time. That would be interesting to write. And maybe I can have Julie stop by after Ryan gets home. Thanks for the idea! I've got the perfect thing for her to say to him after he gets home. Oooh...my muses are loving you now, lol.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Seth felt wild panic race through his veins as he shoved his way through the crowd. His eyes scanned the faces, desperate to find the familiar face he was looking for. The panic and the crowd was almost too much for him. He hated enclosed spaces, but especially now, when he was so desperate to be on time, so worried that he wouldn't get there in time to say goodbye. Seth's breath hitched in his throat at the thought. Why was this happening? Why was any of this happening? It shouldn't be like this, it never should. Things were so wrong.

Finally, Seth's eyes caught who he was looking for. Relief flooded over him before he suddenly realized he was still so far away. That's when he decided that desperate times called for desperate measures. He looked around for a way and eventually found what he was looking for. He climbed up onto a table, ignoring the angered yell from one of the security staff as they pushed their way through the crowd towards him. He only had one chance. He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled out the name, "Anna!"

The blonde girl at the security gates of the airport turned, her eyes wide with surprise as she spotted him on top of the table, being escorted down by one of the security guards. Seth ignored whatever the man was saying to him, even though he sounded furious, and watched as Anna left her bags behind and maneuvered her way through the crowd towards Seth.

"Seth?" she finally called when she was close enough. "What are you doing here?" She demanded.

"You didn't tell me when your flight was," Seth said rapidly, getting frustrated with the security guards who were still trying to get him to listen to them. He glared at them, hoping that some of Ryan's death glare had actually rubbed off. Apparently it hadn't.

Anna stepped in for him. "Please, forgive him," she said, smiling. "One of his friends is in the hospital and he's emotionally unstable. I've got him from here."

The guards gave her a questioning look, but eventually let up and let go of Seth with a warning to not climb on any more tables. They watched the guards leave before Seth turned to Anna. "Okay, I know I'm a little off right now, but emotionally unstable?" he tried to joke.

Anna just smiled softly. "What are you doing here?" she repeated her earlier question.

"We never got a chance to talk," Seth said, feeling still slightly winded. "But I need you to know that I don't want you to leave because of me. You said it wasn't, but I don't know whether I can believe you. I mean, we had something and if you're leaving because of me, please, don't…"

"Seth," Anna interrupted him, putting a finger to his lips. "I'm not leaving because of you. This just isn't my place. I do love you, as a friend. We just were never any more than that." She rubbed his arm, tears filling her eyes. "I have to go."

"But…" Seth felt his voice hitch in his throat. He shook his head. "What am I going to do without you?" He asked, his voice soft and broken. "With everything that's happened…"

"You have Summer," Anna said, trying not to cry. "You have your family. Confidence, Cohen."

Seth let out a small chuckle as Anna took him into a hug. He held her, so many thoughts racing through his head. He didn't want to let go. He knew that he had Summer, but he also knew that Anna had really understood him, she'd let him see who he really was. She'd changed his life and they had become such good friends. He breathed in her scent, feeling his eyes sting with tears. He didn't know how he was going to handle this, any of this.

Anna finally pulled away. "Bye, Seth," she whispered and kissed his cheek. He tried to say goodbye, but he couldn't find his voice, so instead he watched her retreating back as she walked through the gates. She turned and gave him a slight wave, which he answered with one of his own, before she disappeared around the corner. Seth stood quietly by himself, fighting the urge to break through the security gates and run after her, forcing her to stay here in Newport.

The ringing of his cell phone broke his urge and he closed his eyes, covering his eyes for a moment before picking up the phone. "Yeah," he said, though it came out as a strangled choke.

"Cohen?" It was Summer. "Cohen, where are you? We've been trying to get a hold of you."

Seth's heart stopped. "Why? What's wrong? Is it Ryan? Is he okay?" The questions came before he could stop himself.

"Cohen! Cohen! Seth!" Summer finally managed to stop the barrage of questions. "Ryan's fine, everything is okay. We were just worried when you weren't at home. Where are you anyways?"

Seth took a second to calm his racing heart. He repeated her sentence through his head to remind him, Ryan is fine. He took a deep breath and looked around, noticing once again how alone he was in the airport with no one he knew. But he had Summer on the phone, wondering, worried about him. So perhaps he wasn't so alone? "I'm at the airport," he said. "Anna's gone."

Summer was quiet for a moment and Seth prayed that she wouldn't be upset. He expected her to explode at him, yell at him that Anna wasn't his girlfriend, that she was and he was such a jackass for going to see her off, leaving her to worry. What Seth didn't expect was for Summer to ask quietly, "Are you okay?"

The question caught him off guard, with his defenses down. Usually, he was all about talking about his problems. He would usually make some joke and then get down to business, detaching himself from the problems. But for some reason, the question had rubbed him wrong, the way Summer's voice was genuine in her worry about his well being. Was he okay? The tears that were stinging at his eyes gave him the answer. "No," he whispered brokenly. He put a hand to his eyes, trying to stop himself from crying in public. Seth Cohen didn't cry in public.

"Do you want me to come get you?" Summer asked.

"No," Seth answered, feeling himself starting to break again. "But can I come over?"

"Of course!" Summer nearly squealed. "The step monster is drugged out again on her latest pain medicine, so if you don't mind a little drool." She paused for a minute. "It's going to be okay." She gave softly.

Seth nodded before he realized Summer couldn't see her. "I hope," he gave.

It took Seth less than half an hour to get to Summer's. She was waiting for him on the porch, cell phone in hand. He parked and when he got out, she immediately wrapped him in a hug. He hugged her back and finally, Seth Cohen allowed himself to cry. He distantly thought that he was a wuss for crying in front of his girlfriend, but Summer's reassuring hand on his back as she stroked it up and down his spine told him that he didn't have to worry about that right now. He buried his face into Summer's shoulder.

"Come on," she whispered, leading him inside. They headed to Summer's room and sat down on her bed. By then, Seth had got his crying under control. Summer sat next to him, holding his hand. She waited for him to say something, knowing that he needed to get it all out.

"God, I can't believe I'm such a wuss," Seth joked, his laugh coming out as a half sob.

Summer merely smiled at him. "I can," she said and he gave her a wide eyed, joking look as she rubbed his arm. "Look, you've been through a lot lately. I'd be worried if you weren't upset."

"It's…it's just all happening so fast, you know?" Seth said, using his hands as he talked. "I mean, I was still getting over the fact that she was leaving and then Ryan gets shot and I think she's staying and she ends up leaving anyway. That's like a combo punch to the gut."

"Well, you'll still see her," Summer said. "Besides, you've got everyone else. You have me, and Marissa, and for some strange reason you even have Luke. And Ryan will be okay and once he is, you'll have him too."

"I know," Seth nodded. "I guess I'm just sick of all this bad stuff happening to Ryan. He just never gets a break."

Summer chuckled and laid her head on his shoulder. "That's why he's Chino."

Seth thought about those words. Indeed, when you first looked at it, Ryan did seem to be defined by all the bad stuff that happened to him. But the more Seth thought about it, the more he realized that Ryan wasn't defined by just the bad stuff, but by how he got pass all the crap he was dealt in life. That's what made him "Chino." The ability to bounce back. Seth just hoped that Ryan would be able to bounce back from this.

* * *

Kirsten put the third scoop of sugar into her coffee and stirred it with such dedication and caution, careful that every grain of sugar was completely dissolved. It was tedious and time consuming, but she was putting off something that she wasn't sure she wanted to do anymore. She sat at Sandy's desk. Ryan's file lay in front of her, seemingly isolated from any other thing on Sandy's almost barren desk. It looked lonely, dangerous, alluring, and heavy.

As she took a sip of her coffee, Kirsten read Ryan's name which was printed in bold, capitalized letters on the top of the folder. Atwood, Ryan M. She suddenly wondered what the M stood for. She'd never bothered to ask Ryan what his middle name was. She supposed that she would find this out, along with everything else she'd ever want to know about the boy, and many things she didn't want to know, as soon as she opened the folder. But opening the folder was turning out to be harder than she ever imagined.

After another sip, Kirsten decided that she would open the folder and read the first page. After that, she would decide if she wanted to continue or not. Reaching out a slightly shaking hand, she flipped open the top and let it fall. It was a run down crease and she realized that Ryan's folder had probably been read many times, mainly by Sandy. Closing her eyes for a moment, she prepared herself the best she could before starting to read.

The first page didn't turn out to be anything Kirsten didn't already know. It was the full police report of the auto theft that Ryan and his brother, Trey, had been involved with. The one that landed him in juvie. She read through it, taking note that Ryan had spent one night in juvie before his mother had come to "claim" him. He'd been treated for a cut on his right shoulder, but the wound was superficial. She wondered why she had never noticed it. Probably because she was too busy wondering if he was going to turn around and steal something from them when they weren't looking. The thought made her feel guilty.

"One down," Kirsten whispered to herself. She took another sip of her coffee and then quickly turned the page, wondering if perhaps she had overanalyzed the file. This first page didn't seem so bad.

Page two was an entirely different story.

Kirsten gasped at the photographs that were paper clipped to a hospital record. There was a little boy being photographed in the pictures. He looked to be around five or six years old, only. The photographs were of wounds, documented by social services. The first picture was one of Ryan's face, one of his eyes purple and swollen shut. There was a cut on his chin. What shocked Kirsten the most was the fear and sadness that was in Ryan's eye as he gazed at the camera. He looked so young, so lost.

The next photo was of Ryan's chest, the right side bruised an assortment of colors with a small cut in the middle. An officer was holding Ryan's arm up and only the lower portion of his face was showing, but it was obvious that he had been crying in the photo. Kirsten felt her hands start to shake. She could do this, she had to do this.

As she read through the hospital report, she found that social services had been investigating the injuries at first, when the stories between mother and sons didn't match up. But after a while, they deemed it an accident, a mishap with a vehicle, not the mother's fault. The words blurred together as Kirsten read them. Dawn had hit Ryan with a car? She suddenly felt angry, so angry at the woman she'd made a promise to, to look after her son. How could a mother do something like that? Kirsten knew that she wasn't getting the whole story, she would never get the whole story, not unless Ryan told her. This file was just the bare minimum. How many things had happened that hadn't been recorded? Kirsten didn't want to think about it.

She spent the next few hours reading through the file carefully. Watching as Ryan grew up in the pictures, reading about "accidents" that seemed so fake she wondered how social services never saw through them. Most of the file were hospital records. Two broken arms, a couple of concussions, and a severe case of pneumonia were the most severe of the cases. Kirsten couldn't believe all of the hospital records there were. Seth had gone to the hospital only a few times, so few she could count them all on one hand. But with Ryan, she'd lost track. And none of the hospital visits were from little things, either. Kirsten had to fight back the urge to cry, multiple times as she looked through the file.

Once she was done with the hospital records, Kirsten came across something she hadn't expected to find. It was a record of foster care. She hadn't known that Ryan had ever been in foster care before. He had been nine at the time. He had been taken away when Dawn Atwood had gone missing for several days, a little over a week. The neighbors had alerted the authorities and when social services came, Ryan and his brother had been taken into the program. It didn't say what happened to Trey, but it said Ryan spent a month with a family before they sent him back. Then, for two months he was in and out of houses, always being sent out for fighting, or violent tendencies. Kirsten couldn't believe what she was reading.

Ryan and Trey both had ended up back in Dawn's care, when she had informed the state that she had some mental disorder Kirsten had never heard of. But with the proof of medical treatment and an inspection of the home, Dawn had reclaimed her children. Kirsten knew that it had been a mistake to ever give Dawn her children back. Her faith in social services was diminished.

After the foster care papers came Ryan's school records. She looked them over carefully, noticing with trepidation that Ryan's grades were below average, but passing. His test scores, however, were phenomenal. No wonder Ryan was doing so good at Harbor now. She saw that he'd been suspended multiple times from his school in Chino for fighting, truancy, and an assortment of lesser "felonies" in the school system.

Kirsten breathed a sigh of relief when she found she only had one more slip left in the file. She didn't know how much more she could take of reading through Ryan's past. She had expected it to be bad, troubled even, but this was beyond anything she had thought. Just one more paper and she would know the bare facts of Ryan Atwood's childhood.

The last paper turned out to be the hardest thing Kirsten had to read, though it was hardly about Ryan at all. It was the police report of John Atwood's arrest for armed robbery. Kirsten paused, wondering if she really wanted to read this. Ryan barely ever talked about his father. She only knew that he was in jail and had been for some time. Ryan hadn't mentioned whether or not his relationship with his father had been good or bad. They had never asked Ryan about his father, knowing how touchy of a subject Ryan's past was.

Kirsten decided to read it, knowing that if she didn't, it would taunt her until she did. She may as well get it over with now. She read through the report, seeing that John Atwood had robbed a convenience store when Ryan was only five. He had been found guilty of armed robbery and resisting arrest, which made Kirsten wonder if Ryan had been there, watching as his father had been taken away. If he had resisted arrest, had Ryan been there to watch his father be dragged away kicking and screaming. How would that have looked through the eyes of a five year old? She couldn't imagine it, she couldn't picture it. What had Ryan been told? Had Dawn sat him down and told him his father wasn't coming back, that they were on their own?

Tears pricked at the corners of Kirsten's eyes. She forced out the thoughts of instant sympathy for Ryan. But he had been through so much, had led such a horrible life. What had happened that wasn't written up in an official report? How many times had Ryan come home to a drunken Dawn, taken care of her in a reversed role of parent and child. How many times had Ryan been left to fend for himself? How many times had Ryan felt alone? Like he had no one?

She suddenly slammed shut the file, her palm stinging from the motion and she let the anger flow out of her. She'd made a promise to Sandy that reading this file wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change the way she looked at Ryan. None of it mattered now. None of Ryan's past mattered to how she thought about him now. Now, he was not Dawn Atwood's son, he was not another street punk fending for himself, he wasn't a battered, broken down little boy. He was the new Ryan Atwood. He was _her_ son now and nothing would change that. She wouldn't treat him any differently than she would treat Seth. This changed nothing.

And by the end of the night, Kirsten almost believed that.

* * *

**Review Responses:**

**katwoman76: **Yeah, Sandy's used to all that kind ofangst, but Kirsten is not. I rewrote the last part of this chapter three or four times. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it, but hopefully I wrote it all right. :)

**Gartan: **Well, here's how Anna really leaves, hehe. :)

**Dumbeblondi02: **This should shake things up a little bit between Kirsten and Ryan.

**forgottenletters: **I really wish they would go more in depth with Ryan's past. I rewrote this chapter like three or four times because I couldn't decided what to do with it. But I finally narrowed it down to this. I figure this is all stuff that was expected, but still hard to read. Those files don't tell everything, so maybe I can still play around with his past a little.

**SVOC Luva: **Yeah, I always wanted them to do something with Kirsten finding stuff out about Ryan's past. I always that would be really explosive to watch.

**beachtree: **I always thought it was weird that Kirsten was never motivated to find out more about Ryan's past. So I incorporated that into this a little. Yeah, the gruesome twosome will make an appearance in the next few chapters. :) Thanks for the long review!

**

* * *

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	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Seth had begun to hate the concept of patience. He'd come to a rather harsh self realization during the three days Ryan had been asleep. Actually, several self realizations. The first one being that patience and Seth Cohen didn't match up. There was only so much room inside of him for patience and he'd used it all up on the very first night. Another self realization about himself was that he could actually be semi-quiet when the time called for it. He had never thought it possible, no one really had. He hated it when it was quiet. At first, he'd ignored the fact that the doctor had advised them to talk only in whispers if they needed to talk. But when the doctor went on to tell them that since Ryan was having continuous nightmares whenever he came close to waking up for his checkups and that any outside stimulus may bring about even heavier nightmares, Seth had managed to keep his mouth shut.

It was cruel. Seth thought it would be the opposite. Ryan was lost in a hellish dream world? Wouldn't he welcome the comforting tone of Seth's voice? He had almost discarded what the doctor had said, until on the second day of Ryan's unconsciousness his best friend had started thrashing in his sleep. It had been almost painful to watch as the restrains held down Ryan's arms and legs. Kirsten had been in the room too and she had gone over to him, trying to calm him as Sandy ran for a doctor. Seth could only watch as Ryan squirmed and whimpered, trying to get away from Kirsten's hands as she went to hold him down. It had only lasted a few minutes, as the doctors came in and ushered them out. They'd done the checkup as best they could and had then sedated him again.

Talk about traumatic, was the only way Seth could describe the event. Seeing Ryan so out of persona was starting to get to him. He wanted to tell the doctors that perhaps Ryan wouldn't be having the stupid nightmares if he wasn't strapped down to a bed. That if they just let him wake up, he was sure Ryan would be fine and would go back to being his old self in no time. But he didn't argue, even if it was concerning to Seth that every time Ryan came near to consciousness, he had nightmares.

That's why it was rather surprising when a soft moan escaped Ryan's throat. It was weak and instantly Seth was alert. Kirsten, who was sitting by Ryan's bed, dropped her magazine and stood up, placing a her hand on Ryan's forehead gently. Seth braced himself for another round of thrashing and nightmares from his foster brother, but they never came. Instead, Ryan's face turned into a grimace and he moved towards Kirsten's voice as she whispered soothing words to him. Kirsten stopped when she saw the motion. "Ryan?" she asked, gently.

Seth wondered if he should go and find his father, who'd been out in search of coffee. It was about eight at night and they had all been close to crashing. But when Ryan let out another soft moan, Seth knew that no force in the world would ever make him leave this room right now. Ryan was waking up.

"Ryan?" Kirsten tried again. "That's it, sweetie," she stroked his forehead. "Can you open your eyes?" As she said the words, she reached up and hit the call button. "Come on," she coaxed gently. Ryan's eyelids started to flutter slightly, but he didn't make it very far before he closed them again, the grimace still on his face.

A doctor came into the room, followed by Sandy, who looked almost frantic. But at the sight of Ryan lying calm and placid, he calmed slightly. Kirsten turned to give them both a smile. "He's waking up," she said. "I can't get him to open his eyes."

The doctor moved to the other side of the bed. He checked all of the monitors really quick before he cleared his throat. The sound was louder and Seth jumped a little. "Ryan," the doctor said, his voice assertive. "My name is Dr. Mahogan. Your family is here and they would appreciate it if you opened your eyes. They've missed those baby blues of yours." The only response was a slight turning of Ryan's head. The doctor snorted and tried a different approach. "Ryan, I know you're probably really groggy and tired, but I need you to work with me. We can be a team, Ryan, or I can be a dictator. Either way, I'm going to get you to open your eyes."

There was a soft mumble that escaped Ryan's mouth. To Seth, it sounded like a threat. At Sandy's laugh, Seth knew he'd heard it right. Ryan's eyelids began to flutter again and after a few moments of struggling, Ryan was finally staring at the ceiling, still trying to focus his vision.

"Great job, Ryan," Dr. Mahogan said. "Now I know this isn't such a great reward, but I'm going to check your stomach really quick and then I'll let your family at you. They've been bugging the heck out of my nurses, you know." As the doctor was talking, he had pushed aside Ryan's hospital gown and had begun to inspect the wound. Ryan flinched only once as the doctor prodded the wound. The bruising had gone down, as had the swelling, but there were still a little a both left around the immediate wound area. "Still a little tender," the doctor observed. "But we expected that. It looks like you're healing nicely."

Ryan's head rolled to the side and his eyes scanned the faces. He gave Kirsten a weak smile, the best one he could muster. She took his hand. Dr. Mahogan went about checking some other things on Ryan, who had begun to try and lift his hands. When he found them restrained, he merely frowned slightly and closed his eyes. Seth wanted to yell at the doctor for keeping the restraints on this long.

"Okay Ryan," Dr. Mahogan said. "I'm supposing you'll want those restraints off." It was a sign from God. "But first I need to ask you a few questions, all right?" Ryan nodded, his eyes opening slowly, as if they weighed a hundred pounds. "All right, do you remember what happened?"

There was a pause on Ryan's part and for a moment, Seth began to panic. They had mentioned something about brain damage, memory loss, what if Ryan didn't remember what happened? What if something was wrong? What if he wasn't all right.

But those fears were instantly dispelled when Ryan whispered, "Eddie."

"That's right," Dr. Mahogan said. "Good job, Ryan. Now I need you to spell a couple of words for me. Can you spell school bus?" It took a painstaking moment for Ryan to get the letters out, but eventually he did so. Talking seemed to tire him even more than he was already and Seth feared that if the doctor kept pushing, they wouldn't have time to talk to him before he fell asleep again. That was not something Seth wanted. He missed his Seth-Ryan time. "Good," the doctor said as Ryan finished the spelling. "Now, just some simple math, is that okay?"

"Hate math," Ryan said, his eyes closed. The comment earned a chuckle from both the doctor and Kirsten, who was still holding Ryan's hand.

"So do I," Dr. Mahogan said. "That's why I'm making you do it. Now, can you tell me what eight times nine is?"

"72," Ryan sighed out the answer quickly, through habit. Times tables had always been something he was good at.

"Good. Now, how about 23 times nine?"

Ryan paused for a second, frowning, "206...no…207." Ryan said, suddenly alert with the process of thinking. The doctor smiled warmly.

"Great job, Ryan." He turned to Sandy and Kirsten. "Everything seems to be in tact," he said. Sandy and Kirsten both let out audible sighs of relief. Seth knew that the simple sentence was meant to say, 'Ryan's head isn't messed up.' He looked down at his foster brother, who was looking between the doctors and his foster parents. Seth knew that Ryan was putting the pieces together. He was no dummy, even if he could win the award for most groggy person in the world at the moment. "I'll leave you alone for a while. I'll come back in a bit to discuss our plans for Ryan, but considering how well he is healing, I'd say you'd be able to go home in a couple of days, Ryan. But first, let's get those restraints off of you."

As the doctor began removing the restraints, a content look fell across Ryan's face and he closed his eyes. As soon as the restraints were removed, Ryan raised his arms, just for the sake of moving them. But quickly, the movement got him tired and he soon lay there, with one hand on his chest and the other raised above his head a little bit. He opened his eyes and looked at the three Cohens who were watching him eagerly. The doctor had left. "Sore," he gave slightly, with a small smile.

"I bet," Sandy answered and then moved to sit down on the other side of the bed. "How do you feel otherwise?"

"Fine," Ryan whispered, turning his head so he was facing Sandy. "What time is it?"

"Around eight thirty," Sandy gave, studying Ryan's face for a moment. "And it's Friday. They had to keep you under for a little bit."

Ryan's eyes widened at the remark. "Three days?" He asked, his head turning to now face Kirsten before he made eye contact with Seth.

"Don't worry man," Seth said lightly. "I've just been sitting here, mumbling to myself for the past three days. It was quite like the old times, pre-Ryan." Seth hoped Ryan would pick up on the wide grin and good humor Seth was trying to display. When Ryan gave him a tired smile, he knew he had accomplished his goal. But the look that his mother gave him said that it was time to get down to business.

"Ryan, sweetie, do you remember what happened, exactly?" She asked.

Ryan seemed to think for a moment, his eyes staring blankly at the opposite wall. Finally, he moved his eyes to Kirsten and grimaced. "I ruined Caleb's party." He whispered.

"Kid, you've got to get your priorities straight," Sandy chided, placing a gentle hand on Ryan's shoulder.

"Ryan," Kirsten drew the boy's attention back to her. "No one blames you for what happened."

A simple nod was the only acknowledgment they got out of him. After a few more seconds, Ryan suddenly frowned and asked, "Why was I out for three days?"

"Dude, you ripped your stitches out when your mom was…" Seth cut himself off, his eyes widening, realizing that he'd just brought up a very touchy subject, one that perhaps they shouldn't have brought up right away. He saw the way Ryan's eyes instantly scanned the room again, remembering that someone who should have been here wasn't. He finally focused in on Kirsten, his glossy blue eyes begging her for an explanation.

Kirsten gave a soft smile and took Ryan's hand. She seemed to think about her words very carefully. "Honey," she started and then stopped when her voice hitched. Ryan frowned and Seth stared at the back of his mother's head. She had been acting weird lately and Seth hadn't voiced his concerns, but he was worried about her. Perhaps this whole shooting incident was starting to get to her? He knew that it had gotten to him a little, but they hadn't really talked about it other than to talk about Ryan's health. In all honesty, that surprised Seth a bit. He had fully expected to have a serious discussion about it with one of his parents, but thus far, neither one of them had sat down with him to talk about it.

Sandy took over for his wife. "We thought it would be best if she wasn't here right now," Sandy said gently. "We asked her to leave, kid."

Ryan stared up at the ceiling, deep in thought. Seth saw the way Ryan's eyes glazed slightly, but he blinked away whatever emotion he had been just about to express and instead his eyes took on a cold, stony look, a look Seth hadn't seen since that morning before Kirsten had announced Ryan would be staying with them. It was the look he'd only caught a glimpse of, the look that Ryan kept shielded away from them and only let slip on rare occasions. It was the look of fear, raw sadness, and vulnerability, things that Ryan Atwood would never admit to being. It was the look that Seth hated seeing.

"Good," it was whispered so quietly, Seth almost didn't hear it. And as quickly as it had come, Ryan wiped the look off his face and turned to look at Kirsten again, his eyes signaling that he didn't want to talk about it anymore. "Where's Theresa?" He asked.

Seth's stomach dropped again. He absently reached into his pocket, fingering the note that he had kept by his side since Marissa had given it to him. He hadn't read it, the thought had crossed his mind several times, but the note was something personal, for Ryan's eyes only. He gave Ryan a sympathetic half smile. "I'm sorry, buddy," Seth said, trying to find the right wording so it wouldn't come out so harsh. But anyway he said it, he knew it would still hurt. So he just said it. "She left a note." He held the note out for Ryan to take.

Ryan lay there, staring at Seth's outstretched arm with wide, hurt eyes. Seth could only guess what was going through Ryan's head about now. How many people in his life had left him with only a note saying they were sorry? How many times would Ryan have to deal with that pain? With that paranoia about who would be the next person to up and leave him?

When Ryan didn't take the note, Kirsten reached out and took it, placing it on the table beside Ryan's bed. "It will be here if you want to read it," she whispered, scanning his face for any indication of what he was thinking. Ryan was staring blankly at the opposite wall, avoiding all eye contact, with a lost expression on his face. Seth didn't think it was fair. How could the world just seem to crumble beneath someone's feet like that? Ryan's world was slowly falling apart. But as much as he thought Ryan was getting a raw deal, he found himself more willing then ever to prove to Ryan that he still had people who loved him. If anything, Ryan still had him, and that was all that mattered to Seth at the moment, that Ryan still knew that.

"Ryan…" Kirsten tried gently to coax him into talking, but Ryan closed his eyes and turned his head to the side.

"I'm tired," he said, thought the ruggedness of his voice told them it was only a mildly truthful statement.

"Get some rest, kid," Sandy said, giving Ryan's arm a squeeze. "We'll be here when you wake up and it won't be half as bad. Maybe you'll even be able to go home."

If anything, Ryan's grimace worsened. At first, Seth was worried that perhaps Ryan didn't like the concept of home. But later that night, when the nightmares returned and the restraints had to be put back in place, Seth knew that Ryan had grimaced because his world was shattering. Somehow, his past had managed to sneak up on him and taint his new world, his new life, and had managed to shatter whatever image of security Ryan had been able to set up in Newport. Seth vowed that he would help Ryan put the pieces back together, by whatever means necessary.

* * *

**Review Responses:**

**katwoman76: **Yeah, I always wish they would go into more depth with Ryan's past on the show. Hopefully this new season will bring in some more. I may know a spoiler that will help some with that. :)

**IY-ROX: **thanks for sticking with the story and the reviews! I appreciate it!

**forgottenletters: **I have another fanfic in mind that will go into a little bit of what Ryan's life was like before the Cohens. But I'm going to have to be really, and I mean REALLY, ambitious to write that one. Hopefully I'll get around to it though. This fic has a few more chapters left in it, maybe five or so, and then I'll start some other one.

**TeacherTam: **I know, real life sucks. I'm taking a bunch of Criminal Justice and Sociology classes right now, because that's my major, and next semester I have juvenilie justice as a class. I'm not looking forward to being exposed to the real facts, but then again, I sort of am so I can better understand stuff like that. It's difficult to look at what really happens to kids like that.

**kandy4eva: **There will be plenty of Ryan/Kirsten in the following chapters. :) And maybe I'll throw in some Kirsten/Sandy for you. ;)

**beachtree: **No matter how hard we try, our true emotions will always come out. I think with Kirsten, it will be extremely difficult for her to hide the knowledge of Ryan's past from him. It could either help them bond, or push them apart. We'll have to see.

**SVOC Luva: **Thanks! I don't like this chapter as much as some of the others, but hopefully the next one will be a bit better.

**slimkay: **Thanks for the constant reviews!

**xoleanderx: **Not a problem! As long as you're still reading. :) And yeah, I think the Kirsten/Ryan relationship will go through a pretty tough time in the next couple of chapters, but I would never do anything to push Kirsten and Ryan apart, because I love their relationship on the show way too much.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the bit of a longer wait. Classes are in full swing and I've got some MAJORLY hard ones this semester. So please forgive me! I'm still writing it, it's just going to come a bit slower. But who knows, after season three primere tonight, maybe I'll go ahead and write a bazillion chapters this weekend. ;) Love ya all!

* * *

Chapter Eleven

Two more days had passed, mostly uneventful. Ryan had been rather groggy and grumpy for those two days, insisting that everyone go home and that he'd be fine. It had taken a lot of arguing and some stern actions from both Sandy and Kirsten to get Ryan to accept that they weren't going anywhere. But whether Ryan truly accepted it or not, Seth knew that there were still issues they had to deal with, deeper issues than Seth wanted to delve into.

But on Monday, with a mixture of both Ryan's stubbornness and his parents' attempts to compromise with Ryan, Seth found himself at home, in the living room trying to show Summer how to play the ninja game. Though Summer seemed to be getting frustrated, which was obvious from her ever-so-often mutterings of the word "ass" aimed towards Seth, he was finding it rather relaxing. It had been a while since they had done something that had nothing to do with Ryan's hospitalization. Seth was grateful for Summer's ability to distract him.

"Cohen!" Summer yelled, throwing down the controller. "This is lame, you cut off my leg."

"Um, well looking at this it would seem that you cut off my leg," Seth said, pointing his controller at the television to show it.

Summer threw her hands up in the air. "Well I give up," she said and stood up, leaving Seth to sit on the couch by himself, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes. "Cohen, lets do something else, something that has less to do with ninjas."

"Like what?" Seth asked, leaning back on the couch. "We've got to stay near the phone. Just in case there's an emergency. God…I'm sounding like a nagging mother, dear lord the genes are kicking in. Now I just have to wait for the eyebrows."

"I can think of something we could do," Summer said, sitting back down onto the couch next to him. She leaned over and brushed the side of his face with her hand. "I mean, we do have the whole house to ourselves and your parents won't be back for a while."

"This is true," Seth muttered, feigning innocence. "Why Summer, whatever did you have in mind?"

"Just, this," she leaned in and kissed him. Seth kissed her back and when she pulled away, he smiled.

"That is indeed a good plan," he said before pulling her into him. She giggled and for a moment, Seth forgot about everything that was wrong with the world. For a moment, Seth could only think of the girl laying in his lap, the girl he had loved since he was a child. For a moment, things were good again.

But he should have known better.

The phone rang, making both Seth and Summer freeze instantly. Summer sat up quickly, wiping the smeared lipstick from her lips and straightening her shirt as though Sandy Cohen himself had walked into the room. Seth sighed, smiling at Summer in an apology before he rose and retrieved the phone from the kitchen. He walked back into the living room, knowing Summer would want the full report.

"Cohen residence, how may I serve you?" Seth asked, the humor masking the irritation and worry that had formed in his stomach.

"Seth," Kirsten's voice came through the line and for a moment, Seth felt as though his world had stopped. His stomach dropped and his knuckles turned white gripping the phone.

"Mom?" Seth asked, looking over at Summer who instantly sobered. "What is it? Is something wrong? Is it Ryan? Is he okay?"

"Seth," Kirsten interrupted, knowing full well that Seth's worry could fuel an hours worth of questions and concerns. Seth stopped, ready to hear what horrible news had befallen his foster brother. "Ryan's fine. Actually, that's why I'm calling. Dr. Mahogan said Ryan could come home. I was wondering if you could bring over some of his clothes."

Seth let out an audible sigh of relief. He put his hand to his head for a moment, forcing himself to calm down from the near panic. "Yeah, of course," he said. "Wife beaters and sweatpants are on the way."

"Seth…" Kirsten warned, but Seth was too pleased with the news to take her warning seriously.

"I'll be there in half an hour," he told her before hanging up. He looked over at Summer who was looking anxious. "Ryan's coming home," he informed her.

Summer's eyes widened and then she rose to her feet. "You get the clothes, I'll start the car."

"You're coming?" Seth asked, eyeing her.

"Someone's gotta drive and I don't trust you behind the wheel just yet. You look excited enough to have a hernia." Summer grabbed her purse and headed towards the door. Seth watched her go for a second, marveling once again in her ability to distract him and keep her cool.

"Funny you should mention that…"

* * *

Seth seemed to have gotten to the hospital in record time. They made it to Ryan's room, Seth out of breath and Summer flustered at keeping up with her anxious Cohen. But Seth had never wanted to have something over and done with more than Ryan's escapade with the hospital. Seth hated hospitals in the first place. But Ryan and hospitals, now those were two things that, when put together, made Seth feel completely out of his element.

"We made it," Seth announced as he entered the room. He got a look from Kirsten that instantly told him things had been tense before he opened the door. Sandy, who stood on the other side of the bed, had his arms crossed over his chest in a rather irritated stance. Seth didn't want to even guess what the discussion had been before he got there. But now that he was here, he could serve his purpose as the comic relief. And boy was he ready to do so. "Here we are, Ryan," Seth said, pulling the clothes out of his backpack. "Wife beater, sweatpants, and what's this? That's right, who knows you best, buddy?" He handed the leather wrist band to Ryan, who had taken it off for Caleb's party.

Taking a good look at his foster brother for the first time since coming into the room, Seth saw that Ryan looked somewhat worse off than when he had seem him yesterday. His face, though the color had returned, was flushed slightly, as though he had run a mile and was just now catching his breath. He was sitting up, but there was obvious discomfort in the way he made it a point to maintain perfect equilibrium between his spine and hips, not to mention the look of pain that crossed his face every so often. Seth had known this wouldn't be easy, but he sort of had hoped it would.

"Thanks," Ryan gave softly, accepting the clothes. He looked hesitantly towards the bathroom and finally took in a breath before pulling back the covers. He was still in the hospital gown, which Seth found to be god awful looking on Ryan. But Ryan didn't seem to notice, or care, as he gently swung his legs off the bed, barely managing to keep a straight face at the pain the movement caused him.

"Do you need help?" Kirsten asked, obviously caught between her urge to leap up and guide him and knowing that Ryan would want to do things on his own.

Ryan shook his head, not wanting to give anything away by talking. He used the bed frame to help himself stand up. Once on his feet, he wavered for a moment, getting used to walking again. His eyes darted to the bathroom again and Seth knew that Ryan was silently cursing the distance between the bed and the bathroom.

"Here," Sandy finally said as Ryan took one unsteady step. "I'll help you out, for my own sake," he said as he took one of Ryan's arms. To Seth's surprise, Ryan didn't argue but instead clung to Sandy's arm as though it was his life support. Seth supposed that it was. If Ryan wasn't trying to lie about how "fine" he was, then he must really have been in pain. The trek to the bathroom was slow, but when Sandy and Ryan finally reached it, Ryan disappeared behind the doors and Sandy leaned against the wall, trying to listen inside the bathroom should Ryan lose his balance or need help.

"That must really hurt," Summer whispered, taking hold of Seth's arm. Kirsten gave them a wan smile, her eyes going back to the bathroom doors as they waited for Ryan to reemerge. It took a bit, but finally, the bathroom doors opened and Ryan hobbled out, looking a bit paler, but otherwise satisfied. "I liked it better when I could see your butt, Chino," Summer chided.

Ryan managed to give her the look before a nurse came in pushing a wheelchair. The look simply transferred from one target to another, but seemed to intensify as Ryan noticed the wheelchair. "What's that for?" Ryan asked with venom in his voice.

"Hospital policy," the nurse said coldly. "Now sit down."

Ryan went to protest, but Sandy cut him off. "Come on, kid," he said, taking Ryan's arm and guiding him toward the chair. "Otherwise it will take us hours to get you out to the car." Ryan sighed, even though it was meant to be a joke. He sat down and crossed his arms over his chest, the pout evident in his face.

"Dude," Seth intervened. "Take advantage of the luxuries, man. I, for one, have always wanted to be waited on hand and foot."

"Then you get in this chair," Ryan snapped. Seth was surprised at the nasty words and immediately shut his mouth. He wasn't used to Ryan being angry with him. Annoyed, yes, but angry, never. He felt Summer's hand tighten its grip on his arm and he remembered that perhaps Ryan wasn't having the best of days.

The nurse turned the chair and wheeled Ryan out. Sandy squeezed Seth's shoulder and then followed. Kirsten lingered a bit. "Don't worry," she said to both Seth and Summer. "He's just frustrated, grumpy, and tired."

"I know," Seth said, nodding. "I just thought he'd be happy to go home."

"He is," Kirsten agreed. "Just, going home means facing the fact that his movement is going to be limited and he's going to have to accept help from us."

"Something which he takes full advantage of on a daily basis," Seth's sarcastic remark was not lost on Kirsten, who managed to do a very good impression of Ryan's infamous glare. Seth held up his hands. "Don't worry, Mom. I know he's grumpy. I won't get my delicate feelings hurt."

"Good," Kirsten nodded. "Then lets get him home."

* * *

**Review Responses:**

**Vancouverite: **Don't worry about the reviewing! As long as you're still reading. :) I'm loving what you're doing with Fading. It's still my favorite Ryan angst yet. I can't wait for your next chapter. I hope that you write more fics after Fading is done. I would love to see what else you can do. Also, thanks for reviewing The Deep End. I appreciate it. :)

**Steph: **The further along I get, the more I think that Theresa won't make another appearance in this fic. But, there's still the matter of her note that Ryan has to read, so you have that to look forward to. :)

**Dumbeblondie02: **Oh geez! Sorry! Hehe. I'll see what I can do to give you some extra good Seth/Ryan time.

**IY-ROX: **Could be. :) Although, I got that one spoiler from one website and none of the other websites say anything about it, so it may not be true. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

**kandy4eva: **There's going to be some nice Kandy coming up in the next couple of chapters, so you just wait.

**forgottenletters: **I worked up the courage and wrote The Deep End. It actually came to me while I was trying to fall asleep, so I had to write it. It's not much of Ryan's past, just a glimpse and an event that helped shaped him into who he is during the show.

**beachtree: **This chapter is a little lacking, I feel like, but the next chapters will be better. Seth and Ryan are going to have to talk, because i don't think Seth will be able to contain himself much longer. He needs Ryan to know that he'll always be there for him and vice versa. It's going to be fun to write.

**xoleanderx: **I'm thinking there will be five chapters, though no guarantee. And you'll just have to wait and see what I have up my sleeve. It's a very large sleeve...;)

**SVOC Luva: **Kirsten and Ryan's relationship is going to be confronted in one of the next couple of chapters. But I think it's going to be a secondary confrontation through another character. I'm not sure yet. I have to see where this next chapter will lead to.

**slimkay: **Ryan is on his way to healing. But he's still got some issues to work out.

**Izzy: **I didn't know what the TWOP boards were, so I had to look them up. Maybe I should join. :) I'm glad people are liking my stories. It's giving me confidence to write some more OC stories, the tougher ones.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The car ride home was unusually tense. Summer had decided to head home, knowing full well that getting Ryan home wouldn't be easy. She had kissed Seth's cheek and had promised to stop by tomorrow with a gift for Ryan. Seth didn't ask, knowing that Summer already had plans in mind. He'd got in the car with his parents and now sat beside Ryan, who had taking his look of brooding to an all time level. Seth had to hold back a few smart remarks knowing that Ryan probably wasn't in the mood for them.

"So, Ryan," Sandy said from the driver's seat. Seth held his breath, wondering if Ryan's temper would flare up at the simple address. But Ryan didn't even turn his head from the window. Sandy didn't seem phased. "We were thinking of making smoothies tonight. You're probably sick of that hospital food, it's not the best, I know…"

"Not hungry," Ryan grumbled, his voice low.

Seth caught his father's eyes in the rearview mirror and he was surprised to see Sandy urging him to say something. Seth licked his lips and looked over at his foster brother, who was sitting rigidly, uncomfortable. "Dude, we could eat them in the pool house. Have a little smoothie, a little Playstation, you remember Playstation, don't you? It's missed you buddy, it's been calling your name…"

"I just want to shower and go to bed," Ryan said, turning his head slightly so that Seth knew he was talking to him.

"You should eat something," Kirsten added, turning in her seat to look at Ryan. "You hardly ate anything at lunch and you know, Dr. Mahogan said your stomach needed to be eased back onto normal foods, so a fruit smoothie would be perfect."

"I said I'm not hungry," Ryan growled.

Sandy gripped the steering wheel. "Watch your tone," he said strongly.

Ryan sat quietly, his face pressed against the glass of the window. He made no move to apologize except for a sigh that told them all he wasn't feeling great. Seth tapped a tune on his knee, looking between his Mom and Dad, wondering who would be the next one to venture towards breaking Ryan's foul attitude. But neither of them seemed too excited about taking on such a task. Seth decided to spare his parents the pain.

"Well, more for us then," he smiled, hoping Ryan would turn and see the gesture, but Ryan didn't move. "But you know, smoothies are a rare accommodation in the Cohen household. You pass them up now, you better be ready to wait a year before they're offered again. Maybe even more. Mom's good with a blender, I'll give her that. But add fruit and there's always room for disaster."

"Seth," Kirsten admonished, though she smiled at his attempt to lighten the mood.

"Look," Ryan said, turning to face the center of the car. Immediately, all eyes were on him. "Thanks, and everything, but I really am tired. I just want to go to bed." Ryan's eyes were almost pleading with them to not push it any further.

Seth wouldn't have it. "You've been sleeping for a week straight, buddy," he said. "Maybe it would be good if you were up and about for a bit."

Ryan glared and gave him a small, "No," before looking back out the window.

Kirsten sighed from the front seat. "Well, when we get home, you can take your medication and go to bed, since obviously we can't convince you to do otherwise." Ryan seemed even more rigid at the words and Seth knew that he was feeling guilty for being such an ass, but Seth had already forgiven him and he knew his parents had too.

Pulling into the driveway, Seth unbuckled quickly and looked over at Ryan, who was taking his time, moving gingerly. Ryan's face was set in a determined look, staring at the front door of the house as though it were a thousand miles away. But they were a thousand miles he was willing to trek if it meant he could lay down for even a minute.

"Home sweet home," Sandy said encouragingly, getting out and opening Ryan's side door. Ryan looked at him and for a moment, there was an awkward pause. Seth half expected Ryan to protest the offered help. But he took Sandy's outstretched arm, albeit reluctantly. Seth looked towards Kirsten, who gave him a smile before getting out as well.

Sandy and Ryan rounded the Range Rover and slowly made their way to the front door. It was slow going and Seth couldn't resist the banter.

"Ryan, buddy, with my inner eighty year old Jewish man and your eighty year old hip movements, we could totally storm the shuffleboard courts." He was awarded with a glare that was only half felt as a smile crept onto Ryan's face. Seth gave himself a quiet hoo-ha of triumph before rushing forward to open the front door. Sandy ushered Ryan inside and Kirsten went to the kitchen to get Ryan's medication ready.

By the time they reached the living room, Ryan's face was pale and sweat had started to bead on his forehead. Seth smoothed out a place for him on the couch, watching as his father led Ryan at snail-like speed towards the couch. "Almost there," Sandy soothed as Ryan couldn't hold back a small noise of discomfort coming down the step into the living room.

Lowering his foster son onto the couch, Sandy took a moment to make sure Ryan was placed in a comfortable position before fully letting go of his arm. "We'll take a break here for a minute," Sandy said, watching as Ryan closed his eyes and mentally focused on getting his breathing, and the pain, under control again.

Kirsten came into the room with a glass of Gatorade and three rather unfairly large pills. Seth cringed at their size, knowing there was no way in hell they'd ever get him to take a pill that large, let alone three of them. But when Ryan opened his eyes and caught sight of them, he leaned forward without thinking to take them. The sudden doubling over and shocked gasp of pain brought the Cohen's flocking to him immediately.

"Easy," Sandy coaxed, leaning Ryan back again. Ryan was blinking rapidly and Sandy was instantly moving to sit on the couch next to him, holding him upright.

"Deep breaths, man," Seth said.

After a few moments, Ryan sighed and looked up at everyone with a nervous smile. "Sorry," he said. "Moved too fast."

"Not a problem," Kirsten said, her voice a little over enthusiastic as she handed him the pills. "Take these and you'll feel better. Then we'll get you in the guestroom."

Both Seth and Ryan looked at her with identical questioning looks. "Guestroom?" Ryan asked, downing the pills and then half of the Gatorade bottle. He coughed once afterwards, but immediately went back to the questioning look.

Kirsten shrugged, nodding her head as she did so. "Well, yes, I know there's stairs and everything but I thought it would be better if you were a bit closer than the pool house. You know, just in case?"

"Look, I appreciate it, but really, I'm fine," Ryan said.

"So we've heard," Sandy commented dryly. "I think Kirsten is just worried. You've given us all quite a scare."

Ryan ducked his head in uncharacteristic fashion before he murmured a soft, "I know." He swallowed once more, a frown coming to his face. "And I really am sorry…"

"It's not your fault," Sandy assured him, either totally oblivious to Ryan's inner turmoil, which was so evident on his face, or pointedly ignoring it. Seth couldn't tell. But Sandy didn't give Ryan the time to brood about it. "Now, lets get you up to the guest room so you can get some rest. You must be exhausted. You know, those treks from the car to the living room can be tiring."

"And you wonder where I get my sarcasm," Seth voiced, earning another half smile and glare from his foster brother.

Sandy helped Ryan stand up. Ryan's hand grasped at Sandy's arm in a death hold for a minute. He blinked heavily for a minute before he seemed to gather himself. Looking up, Ryan's deep eyes met with Seth's and Ryan seemed to relax, letting out a sigh. "Thanks you guys," he said, giving a sort of content smile. "For everything."

"Yeah, well thanks for not dying," Seth said back, making sure the joke was evident in his voice, though he meant the comment fully.

"Seth," Kirsten warned.

Sandy helped Ryan up the stairs and Seth sank into the couch, letting himself relax. Kirsten stood for a while in the middle of the living room and waited for Sandy to come back downstairs.

* * *

Sandy helped Ryan get into the bed. Ryan didn't want to admit it, but he was glad Sandy was there. It was never like this in Chino. Whenever Ryan was hurt, or sick, he was always on his own. That's how he liked it. That's how he almost preferred it. But he couldn't deny that it felt good to have someone there, just in case he lost his balance or was overcome by the dizziness. Sandy, to Ryan's relief, only helped him when he looked like he needed it.

When finally the task of laying down was over, Ryan pulled up the covers and looked over to Sandy, who was looking down at him with an odd look on his face. "What?" Ryan asked, unsure of what that look was. It wasn't pity, it wasn't remorse or fear or anything else he expected to see.

Sandy shook his head, thinking he'd brush it off as nothing, but when he saw the pained and almost hurt look in Ryan's eyes, he smiled and sat down on the bed. Ryan looked even more confused and a little frightened. "We thought we lost you, kid," Sandy whispered. Sandy patted Ryan's arm which was crossed over his chest. He cut him off before he had a chance to apologize again. "And it wasn't even at the beginning. After your surgery, when you were sick. You were hurting and you didn't tell anyone. And even now, when Kirsten or myself, or even Seth tries to help you, you don't accept it unless we make you accept it. It's okay to need help, Ryan."

Ryan laid his head back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. He had hoped he'd get at least one more day until he had this conversation with Sandy. They had never really talked in depth about his past. He remembered the first day he met Sandy. He'd been cold, tough, but scared. And Sandy had said things, personal things about Ryan that he couldn't believe another person would know about. He thought Sandy was just another rich guy, pretending to understand his problems. But then, he had opened his home to him. Kirsten and Sandy had both opened their home. Ryan had learned so much being here. But, like everywhere he went, his past had caught up with him. Chino had caught up with him.

"I know," Ryan said. "It's just, in Chino I never really had anyone around to help."

"This isn't Chino," Sandy said softly. "We're here for you, always. There's nothing you can't come to us with. Whatever you need, whatever your problems are, we'll help you through it."

Ryan was quiet for a moment. He didn't want to tell Sandy what was going through his mind. He didn't want to tell him that he'd heard those words a thousand times before. He didn't want to tell him that the one time he had listened to them, he'd been turned away, shut out, criticized and punished.

"It's just…" Ryan searched for the right words. He finally closed his eyes, not wanting Sandy to see the hurt there. "As much as I try to pretend Chino never happened, I can't seem to get away."

"Because it did happen." Ryan opened his eyes to look at Sandy with a look akin to shock. Sandy shrugged. "There's no denying it. But, that's what makes you, you. I know what it was like for you. I may not know the details, but I know enough. I know that it was hell. But, you didn't turn out so bad."

"Guess not," Ryan gave a small smile as he felt his eyelids start to droop from the pain medication. Sandy reached out and ruffled his hair before getting up and walking towards the door.

"Not bad at all," Sandy whispered as he shut off the light and left Ryan to fall asleep.

* * *

**Review Responses:**

**cdgeiger: **Yeah, I like writing Seth and Summer. They're fun together. Although I'm a huge fan of Ryan, I love Seth and Summer together.

**IY-ROX: **So I actually loved the premiere. There were little things that bugged me about it. I feel that it would have been AWESOME spread out over two hours so they could spend some more time with the little scenes, but I still thought it was good. I actually cried when Ryan cried on Sandy's shoulder after saying goodbye to Trey. It was the saddest thing ever. I printed out a picture and put it on my CJ binder, lol. I'm obsessed. I hope this season will be good. I have a feeling it's going to be a pretty serious season and that the OC I love is going to remain in first and second season, but this will be like a whole new venture. We'll have to wait and see what happens.

**slimkay: **Thank you!

**kandy4eva: **You'll have to wait one more chapter for the Kandy. So sorry!

**Dumbeblondi02: **I'll see what I can do about the Ryan/Summer for you. If I can squeeze some in, I'll do it. I think I'll be able to deliver, but we'll have to see. :)

**ChaiGrl: **Why thank you!

**SVOC Luva: **Yeah, this chapter sort of brought out the grumpy Ryan, but then brought out the remorseful Ryan for being grumpy, lol. It's hard to gauge how Ryan will react. He's never really been severely hurt or sick on the show, so no one knows how he'll react.

**forgottenletters: **Thanks for reviewing both this story and The Deep End. I appreciate it. I'm glad you liked The Deep End. It was fun to write. :)

**beachtree: **The tension at the beginning of the last chapter was just implying that Ryan was being "grumpy" and tensions were high now that he was awake. That's all. ANd yeah, I agree about the overplayed grumpy Ryan. He's such a dynamic character that it's hard to get his reactions just right. Of course he's going to take the Cohen's feelings and respect them, but also, he's never really been in a situation like this with them (on the show at least) so it's hard to know how he'll act. I hope I got it at least semi-right.

**darkchildlover: **Why thank you! That really means a lot to me. And I updated! Just for you! So don't hurt me! LOL! ;)


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